dangerawesome

What to expect at PT Dark Ascension?

2012-02-10T14:00:00.002Z

Later today (UK time at least) sees the first day of play at Magic Pro Tour Dark Ascension, and after a few weeks (or more likely, days!) of testing, we will see what the pros make of post-DKA standard. While the dominant team CFB/SCG remains tight-lipped as usual, not everyone has been so secretive about what the 75 they intend to battle with. So, based on the publicly available information via Twitter, what might we expect to see shortly? The following suggestions are based on tweets I've read in the last 48 hours from players on the ground in Honolulu - though for the sake of preserving some secrecy, I am not going to tell you (with one exception) who is playing what (though if you care to research it, you can find out yourself).

A lot of Sword of War and Peace: Reports from the event site are that the dealers are completely sold out of this card at $50, and players are offering $65 for the ones they still need, if anyone can get more. Without Stoneforge Mystic around any more you have to draw them naturally, meaning many decks (such as Mono-Green Aggro) opt to play the full boat maindeck! If players are this keen to get a hold of these swords, it's likely they are anticipating a lot of white-based tokens and humans deck (seems more likely than mono-red, IMO). Also of note here is that card availability at this event seems particularly poor, as the private nature of the PT means fewer dealers present, and no masses of non-pros from whom to buy in more stock/beg/borrow/steal from for the main event.
Base-G, base-W Humans, Tempered Steel among the aggro decks: Players seem to like the Todd Anderson-style green decks (see link above), though it's not clear to me at this point whether they intend to stay mono-G or go into perhaps red as well for Huntmaster of the Fells, Ancient Grudge, burn, etc. UW Humans was the obviously good aggro deck coming into this event so I expect it to see some play even if it turns out not to be the best aggressive deck, and I know of at least one player running Tempered Steel. It might not be the most exciting or innovative choice, but he clearly has some reason for running it - perhaps it is a good meta call if people will be running Whipflare as their sweeper of choice? I don't know.
B/W/(g) tokens to make an appearance: The expected "deckbuilding by numbers" B/W tokens decks failed to show up at the recent SCG Open in Richmond, perhaps due to it being on the weekend of the set's release, and Sorin, Lord of Innistrad commanding some $240/playset. PT players should have been able to scrounge together their copies for this event though, and I'm hearing of a build playing a whole bunch of planeswalkers (Sorin, Liliana, Gideon, Elspeth), alongside Lingering Souls/Intangible Virtue/Honor of the Pure (but of course!), the perhaps counter-intuitive Ratchet Bomb, plus Sun Titan, and a green splash for Gavony Township. A little green also gets you Ray of Revelation out of the sideboard, which is absolutely ridiculous in the mirror.
Gerry T to draft UG self-mill: My one exception to not naming who is playing what, Gerry T is running a Zvi Mowshowitz-esque gambit and telling the world he intends to draft self-mill decks this weekend, as he "doesn't know how to draft anything (else)". Switching to DKA/INN/INN over INNx3almost certainly weakens the archetype (less opportunities to draft the all-important Spider Spawning), which oddly may make this a better plan than you might think - with the deck being less strong there is a greater chance of Gerry being the only player in his pod going for it, consequently rewarding him with a stronger deck.
A lot of this T-shirt: I'm cheating a bit here as I know this is the PT shirt for this event, but just wanted to say how much better it is than previous giveaway shirts, be they PT or pre-re ones. MTG apparel still has a long way to go, but it's a hell of a lot less embarrassing than it used to be.

That's it for fact-based predictions, so now to finish, just a few wildcard ideas of things I would *like* to see:

Pat Chapin's new control deck (and hair cut, he always seems to début a new style at the PT) - this format seems a little hostile to control, can he make it work?
Someone making Burning Vengeance work - possibly as a 2-of in a 4/5-c control deck rather than all-in on the card?
The right build of Zombies - is it mono-B, BU, BR?
Someone from the UK put up a good finish - though given the fragmentation of testing groups, I'm not going to hold my breath... Ideally this would be Carrie Oliver to shut up the sexist trolls in her article comments! It can't be Dan Royde, as he can only win events I am doing coverage at, and sadly I'm not in Honolulu!

Modern Love

2012-01-24T22:06:00.002Z

Is it just me, or is Modern the most exciting format in Magic right now?

It seems to me you can play just about anything you like, and so long as you've thought carefully about constructing your deck, and have a decent plan and sideboard for the more common matchups (Affinity, UR combos, Zoo), you can do well.

As such, we're seeing completely original decks coming out of nowhere, as well as completely new takes on archetypes we've seen in Standard before in the results from the PTQ season. Take for example these examples from the most recent (23/01/12) Magic Online PTQ:

Winning the blue envelope, Dracc0n with UWR scepter aggro, boarding into Gifts/Rites!

1 Arid Mesa
2 Celestial Colonnade
1 Hallowed Fountain
4 Island
2 Misty Rainforest
1 Mountain
1 Sacred Foundry
4 Scalding Tarn
2 Steam Vents
3 Sulfur Falls
2 Tectonic Edge
23 lands

4 Delver of Secrets
3 Snapcaster Mage
2 Vendilion Clique
9 creatures
4 Isochron Scepter
4 Lightning Bolt
4 Lightning Helix
3 Magma Jet
4 Path to Exile
1 Research/Development
4 Serum Visions
2 Spell Pierce
2 Spell Snare
28 other spells

Sideboard
1 Combust
2 Dispel
1 Elesh Norn, Grand Cenobite
3 Gifts Ungiven
2 Grim Lavamancer
2 Pyroclasm
1 Relic of Progenitus
1 Sphinx of the Steel Wind
1 Unburial Rites
1 Vendilion Clique

The scepter element of this deck reminds me of Adrian Sullivan's WRB deck from Extended last year, while the rest of it is much along the lines of the UR(g) Delver decks being pushed hard by Todd Anderson and Brad Nelson at the moment. The alternate sideboard plan of Gifts Ungiven into Unburial Rites up a huge guy that (ideally) kolds your opponent must have caught virtually everyone with their pants down, though loses some surprise value now people know the deck is out there.

In 7th place, Wirecat (who I am reliably informed is "The" Ben Seck) has a new hybrid of Death Cloud and BuningLoam:

4 Blackcleave Cliffs
2 Blood Crypt
2 Graven Cairns
1 Lavaclaw Reaches
2 Overgrown Tomb
3 Swamp
1 Tectonic Edge
4 Twilight Mire
1 Urborg, Tomb of Yawgmoth
4 Verdant Catacombs
24 lands

3 Haakon, Stromgald Scourge
4 Tarmogoyf
7 creatures
3 Burning Vengeance
3 Death Cloud
1 Garruk Wildspeaker
4 Inquisition of Kozilek
4 Life from the Loam
4 Liliana of the Veil
3 Nameless Inversion
3 Raven's Crime
4 Smallpox
29 other spells

Sideboard
2 Ancient Grudge
3 Damnation
1 Engineered Explosives
1 Forest
3 Nature's Claim
3 Nihil Spellbomb
2 Victim of Night

The beautiful innovation here is the revival of the Haakon + Nameless Inversion combo. This not only gives repeatable removal for creatures, but is a spell cast from the graveyard for Burning Vengeance, and doesn't require a land each time like Raven's Crime. Victim of Night in the sideboard may as well read "destroy target creature in Modern" right now, so I'm surprised it's not seeing more play.

In 13th place, CoreySMann with.. KITHKIN?!

4 Arid Mesa
4 Marsh Flats
9 Plains
2 Rustic Clachan
2 Sacred Foundry
4 Windbrisk Heights
25 lands

3 Burrenton Forge-Tender
4 Cloudgoat Ranger
4 Figure of Destiny
1 Goldmeadow Stalwart
4 Knight of Meadowgrain
3 Ranger of Eos
4 Wizened Cenn
23 creatures
4 Honor of the Pure
4 Path to Exile
4 Spectral Procession
12 other spells

Sideboard
4 Blood Moon
4 Combust
4 Ethersworn Canonist
3 Kataki, War's Wage

This favourite of mine is virtually the old standard deck, only with fetchlands, and a very light red splash for sideboarded Blood Moon and Combust. I'm surprised he got away with just Kataki vs fast Affinity draws though, as now artifact lands are banned, paying the upkeep is much more realistic prospect.

Finally, a shoutout to all the blue decks running Hurkyl's Recall as their Affinity sideboard card of choice. I first saw this in Bruno Panara's winning UB Delver list from PTQ Manchester last weekend, and he informs me it is an utter beating, often acting as a double Time Walk. SICK.

Modern continues to look super fun, and I can't wait to play some very soon! (No PTQs yet this season for me, frown).

My return to Games Workshop

2012-01-10T21:38:00.003Z

After not touching a Citadel miniature or venturing into a Games Workshop store since the age of about 13, I have in the last few weeks begun to dip my foot back into that particular hobby pond. Not for want of a new (old) game to play, I'm really quite happy with the various board and card games I enjoy at the moment. However, I've been growing increasingly jealous of Hana's various craft projects (cross-stitching an intricate pillow front, painting by numbers), and while my games are fun when there are friends about, they're not so great when it's just the two of us at home on a Sunday afternoon, and require a minimum investment of time in an uninterrupted block to play.

So, I bought myself a Citadel hobby starter set of paints, glue, cutters and basing materials, a model kit I liked the look of, and set out to just do my best to put together and paint some things. Expect some irregular little blogs such as this one showing the results of these attempts, and thoughts on them, from here onward until I get bored or frustrated of it. I thought these might make for an interesting record in case I keep this up for a decent amount of time and accidentally get half-decent at it, or something.

#1 - Tau XV25 Stealth Suits:

How they're "supposed to look":

My effort:

I should probably start by saying that these comparison pictures are being a little hard on myself at this point in time - I've not painted anything in over 10 years, would generally consider myself not particularly artistic or steady-handed, and Hana insisted I wouldn't have the patience to do these properly. The frst picture, on the other hand, comes from Games Workshop's 'Eavy Metal team, who are professional full-time miniature painters. Still, not a bad first attempt I think?

Paint technique:

- Basecoated with Undercoat Black.
- Mechrite Red, 2 coats.
- Highlights on red with Mechrite Red/Skull White mix.
- Highlights on black with Undercoat Black/Mordian Blue mix.
- Details with Shining Gold.
- Base: Calthan Brown, 2 coats, then sand and grass PVA'd on.
- 2 coats Devlan Mud ("skill in a pot") wash all over.

Mistakes and lessons:

- For undercoat, you have to use a spray. Using a brush and the pot of undercoat black was needless cheapskatery, that resulted in a thick and somewhat glossy basecoat.
- For highlights, use the side rather than tip of the brush where possible. I also mixed the red highlights a little lighter than necessary.
- For highlights, use a detail/fine detail brush to achieve a thinner line. I did this one using the same starter brush throughout, which led to a thicker line than I would have liked.
- For the base, cover the whole thing with sand, then later add grass on top of this. I tried to to patches of each and it got a bit messy in some places, and left awkward gaps of just paint showing in others.
- I didn't bother trying to do the optics effects, something I should try in future on models with such details.
- I've since bought a can of Chaos Black spray to basecoat, and a detail brush for fiddly bits and highlights.

Overall I'm pleased with my first effort, and enjoyed doing these ones a fair bit. These models sure are smaller than I'd remembered though!

#2 - Eldar Jetbike:

How they're "supposed to look":

My effort:

Paint technique:

- Model left in 3 sections during painting: rider, main bike (not attaced to base), front plate of bike.

- Chaos Black spray undercoat.

- Mordian Blue, 2 coats over majority of model.

- Metal details in Chainmail, guns then drybrushed with Shining Gold over the top.

- Rider head drybrushed with Chainmail and then Shining Gold

- Highlighted with Mordian Blue/Skull White mix.

- 1 coat Devlan Mud wash all over.

- 3 transfers applied once fully dried and assembled on base.

Mistakes and lessons:

- First up, the transfers ruined the model a bit, because they very obviously show up as transfers where they've been applied. This is pretty frustrating as I'd been told they apply easily (which they did) and look great once dry (which they do not).

- Highlights on the smaller sections of the bike are okay, but those on the main front plate are still too thick and a bit sketchy.

- I finished this one a bit too soon perhaps, I could've done a lot more with the rider, at the very least.

I should have been a little more ambitious with this one in the painting, trying a little battle damage, and some simple freehand lines on the larger sections of the bike instead of opting for transfers, which I will unlikely use again. This seems like a great beginners kit (and pretty decent value at ~£7), though the rider doesn't exactly sit on the seat as I'd like, and there are no "options" out of the box.

Next time: Necron Warriors and Scarabs!

Cube Masters Series videos

2011-12-02T13:59:00.001Z

My good friend Warren Vonk, Magic "cube" enthusiast and all-round good guy, recently organised an 8-player "Cube Masters Series" draft at Dark Sphere in London.

The format was an 8-player draft followed by 3 rounds of Swiss, then a cut to top 4, with 90 card Winston draft finals and semifinals. All of this was using Warren's (ISD updated) 360 card fully powered cube.

Unfortunately I couldn't attend the event to play and report on it myself, but it seems to have been a resounding success, with plans to repeat it regularly on a larger scale starting early 2012. Warren and others made sure to capture a great deal of content on video, which is beginning to get edited and produced (to a very high quality) now.

Here's the first batch of videos, showing Phil Dickinson (of "ARTIFACT. CREATURE. CAT." Fame), making his picks in the initial draft:

More to follow as and when they are uploaded, enjoy!

Drafting with... Shuhei Nakamura + Raul Porojan

2011-05-18T13:02:00.003Z

At the recent Magic Grand Prix here in London, I had the pleasure and valuable learning experience of a day spent with the coverage team - Tim Willoughby, Rich Hagon, and David Sutcliffe.

Below are two a couple of raw, unedited examples of what I did that day. Both are a "drafting with..." piece, though in quite different styles - the first being all prose, the later is more a pick-by-pick analysis.

I'm hoping at some point in the future I'll be able to point back to this blog and say, "Look how far I've come!" We'll have to see about that, huh?

Drafting with Shuhei Nakamura:

Going into the second draft here on day two of GP London, Japan’s Shuhei Nakamura finds himself at 9-3, meaning he’ll need to win out from here and have good tiebreakers to make the top eight. So a 3-0 deck is required in this draft, but what picks will he make in attempting to achieve this?

His first pick was a certified bomb, as he took Consecrated Sphinx in an otherwise average pack with Rot Wolf, Phyrexian Rager, and Blisterstick Shaman as the only cards of note. Next came a Burn the Impure over a Phyrexian Juggernaut, then a Blisterstick Shaman, resisting the urge to move into infect or white, as he passed a Blightwidow and a Divine Offering. The rest of the first pack had more tools for his U/R deck, in Treasure Mage, Spin Engine, Brass Squire, and Vedalken Infuser, which Shuhei took over the potential Treasure Mage target of Hexplate Golem, plus a pair of hatedrafted Pistus Strike.

The second pack began with some premium removal in Turn to Slag over a Golem Artisan, then a Darksteel Axe over a Skinrender. Red was clearly open from his left, as further removal arrived in Galvanic Blast. The rest of the pack contained more filler for the deck, with an Iron Myr to accelerate into his larger creatures, which now included a Scrapdiver Serpent and Soliton.

The third pack began with another mythic rare for Shuhei, although he’d have to extend into white in order to play his Venser, the Sojourner. More removal came next in Shatter over the early defensive creatures Perilous Myr and Wall of Tanglecord, then a Heavy Arbalest was plucked out over a second Turn to Slag, giving his deck a potentially game-winning combo with the equipment and the earlier Soliton. The picks rounded out with some more creatures in Barrage Ogre and Vulshok Replica, and early drops in a Leaden Myr and a Wall of Tanglecord, finishing off a solid U/R/w draft deck.

Just two questions remained as he sat down to construct his deck – How many Plains would he include for the Venser, and would the resulting deck give him the 3-0 result he needed?

(The answers to these ended up being two, and yes, respectively – although not quite a top eight for Shuhei, who finishedin 11^th)

Drafting with Raul Porojan:

After winning twelve rounds on the trot after his two byes, and a draw taken with Daniel Royde in the final match of the swiss, Raul Porojan topped the standings, undefeated thus far at GP London. Would his streak continue through the single-elimination rounds, or was that last round draw a sign of weakness? His first two draft decks today were stacked with bombs, could he repeat this in the top 8? Here’s a complete rundown of his picks through the draft.

Pack 1:

Morbid Plunder was chosen from a pack full of quality: Blightwidow, Into the Core, Fangren Marauder, and Creeping Corrosion all had to be passed.

Viridian Corrupter was next, passing Rot Wolf and Phyrexian Rager in colour.

Blightwidow started a potential move into poison, but is great in any green deck, while a second Into the Core was passed.

Copper Carapace

Virulent Wound was taken, rather than deviating into white for Gore Vassal

Plaguemaw Beast was chosen over the biggest infect creature of them all, Blightsteel Colossus!

Scourge Servant

Mirran Mettle

Brass Squire, which could cause some headaches with Copper Carapace and any future equipment

Oculus

Pistus Strike

Phyresis

Rally the Forces

Pack 2:

Heavy Arbalest was chosen somewhat reluctantly over surefire bomb Koth of the Hammer, and an on-colour Instil Infection was also passed.

Corpse Cur was taken over Untamed Might, and a second Instil Infection.

Acid Web Spider was next, from a pack still full of high picks: Galvanic Blast, Arrest, Glint Hawk, Glint Hawk Idol.

Corpse Cur #2

Trigon of Rage

Fume Spitter

Alpha Tyrannax

Throne of Geth

Blunt the Assault

Blackcleave Cliffs – just in case a splashable red card came up

Withstand Death

Vulshok Heartstoker

Melt Terrain

Semblance Anvil

Pack 3:

Steel Hellkite was taken over infect creatures Contagious Nim and Tel-Jilad Fallen, ensuring Raul’s deck was not without at least one bomb rare.

Ichorclaw Myr was chosen over a seconf Trigon of Rage and another Tel-Jilad Fallen.

Trigon of Corruption

Necrotic Ooze was next, which could potentially copy the abilities of Steel Hellkite, Plaguemaw Beast... or just a Fume Spitter.

Gold Myr

Moriok Reaver over another Trigon of Rage

Cystbearer over a Grafted Exoskeleton, quite late in the pack for this one.

Bladed Pinions

Infiltration Lens – these last two equipments gave the Brass Squire more toys to play with.

Bladed Pinions

Tainted Strike

Melt Terrain

Bonds of Quicksilver

Melt Terrain

This left Raul with a solid G/B deck, though with just seven infect creatures (but plenty of ways to recur them if they died), it would be interesting to see if he would kill his opponents with damage or poison counters in this controlling, attrition-based build. Of note was that he did not choose to play all of his equipment, or the Brass Squire – with relatively few of the usual early infect drops (Blight Mamba, Ichorclaw Myr, Plague Stinger, Cystbearer, Rot Wolf, etc), these would be less effective than in a more aggressive poison deck.

“But you don’t even know the format!” – An unfinished, super-late, top 8 vintage report

2011-02-22T14:07:00.001Z

INTRODUCTION GOES HERE

(I’m playing the current Matt Elias list of the time (Summer 2010), the mana version with Leyline of Sanctity in the board, Breakthrough’s main. I’ve never played dredge before, and have goldfished the deck about 3 times. Dan Royde is furious that i’m playing a format I don’t know with a deck I’ve never played, hence the title of this report).

Round 1 – Kevin Rogers (Tezz):

Kevin is one of the Irish players I’ve seen at previous Vintage events at GB Nats, who has flown over very early this morning just for this event, and is heading back first thing tomorrow – that’s dedicaton for you! After greeting one another, I explain I’m pretty new to the deck and format, and apologise in advance if I take a little time than would be expected over my plays. Kevin very kindly tells me not to worry about it, and we carefully shuffle each other’s decks. “You can riffle it if you want, I’m just not that good at it.” Neither am I, so I just do a few mash and side shuffles before winning the die roll. Some would have you believe this means i’ve won the game already, but despite my relative naivety, I know this is just an advantage rather than an auto-win. I’m anxious about mulligan decisions with the deck, but the first hand I see is very easy to send back – no Bazaar, no dredgers, no Breakthrough. We shuffle again, then I draw 6, and Kevin is a little upset to say he’s accidentally drawn 7 again. I feel a bit guilty for it, but do what I know is the right thing and call a judge over, who curiously takes 2 random cards from Kevin’s hand of 7 and shuffles them into his library. I say curiously because I was sure the ruling was a forced full mulligan to 5, but whatever. Both our hands are still bad (Kevin has had his mana sources removed), and I mulligan down to 5 while Kevin goes to a shaky 3 or 4, I forget exactly.

Of course, I then make a misplay on the very first turn of the tournament. I play Lion’s Eye Diamond which resolves, then announce Breakthrough with X = 0, and pop the Diamond to pay for it and discard my hand, which includes a dredger, before drawing. “You can’t do that,” comes a chorus of hardened vintage players around me, and I feel very foolish as I look across a couple tables at Mike, who looks back confused, as he’d earlier told me this was a good line of play. A judge is called, and explains the errata that mans this is no longer possible, and backs the game up. I then look back at my hand, at the other 3 cards and realise there was a strictly better line of play anyway. Nice work, Dan! I play the LED, then an Undiscovered paradise, before a Breakthrough for 0 off the land, cracking the LED for “I dunno, umm, blue?” in response (I later realised this could be for a Deep Analysis), and discarding my hand. I dredge into another dredger and a Bloodghast, before passing the turn. Kevin’s hand has a mox and a Sensei’s Diving Top, which he plays. I then spend a couple turns dredging in my draw step and attacking him with free men before making some tokens and killing him from 8 on turn 4 or 5, as he spun and flipped his top to try and get some mana and get back into the game. I feel bad for the forced mulligan and my slow and sloppy play, but Kevin again tells me not to worry – “You were grand!”

I sideboard as written on my scrap of paper, then keep a solid hand on the draw, which includes a Bazaar, Cephalid Colosseum, dredgers and Breakthrough. Kevin plays some mana and passes, then I play and activate my Bazaar into another dredger and a Cabal Therapy, which I discard with the 2 highest value dredge cards. Kevin plays a Bob (I think),then I Bazaar dredge in upkeep and dredge in my draw step into some Narcomoeba and Bloodghasts. I Therapy him with a Bloodghast and see Jace TMS, Transmute Artifact (which I read for 30 seconds before deciding is utterly irrelevant), Thopter Foundry, and another Bob. Seeing the coast is clear, I play Colosseum returning the Bloodghast, play Breakthrough, dredge into Flame-Kin Zealot and kill him after Dread Returning it and making a load of zombie tokens in the process. My first ever match-win in Vintage!

1-0-0

Round 2 – Jim Brophy (Painter/Grindstone):

Jim also travelled over from Ireland early this morning with Kevin, and shows his love for the format with a pewter pin attached to his jacket that reads “vintage”, below a (presumably black) lotus flower, plus a selection of event logos he has attached to his playmate, including a couple of Bazaar of Moxens. The man clearly means business.

After a warm greeting, I lose the die roll, we joke about being “in the late-game now” while mulliganing to 5 each, and then I quickly lose on turn 2 or 3 to Painter’s Servant plus Grindstone, powered up by fast mana and the missing piece found with an Enlightened Tutor at the end of my turn, having not had a fast start myself. I make a bold move and go off my crib sheet, boarding in 4 Chain of Vapor, 4 Leyline of Sanctity and a Wispmare for a selection of one-of’s. I figure he needs to target me to win with Grindstone, so Leyline must be better than Force of Will, right?

I keep a hand which includes Bazaar, land, 2 Chain of Vapor, that seems like a pretty safe keep, and Jim is happy with his 7 also. He begins the game with a Leyline of the Void in play, then has a land and a Black Lotus on his turn, so my probable misplay of Bazaar turn 1 (rather than land, Chain) turns out to be not the worst decision ever. I draw naturally, play my land and pass the turn back to Jim, who then plays and activates a Helm of Obedience, X=1. I have no idea what it does, and the old-style wording confuses me as I read it, until Jim explains quite succinctly that I’m going to lose unless I do something about its combination with his Leyline. I bounce the Leyline with a Chain in response, put a card into my library, then use Bazaar and find a dredger. I untap and Bazaar again, and dredge once more for my draw step, getting some free Narcomoebas along the way. On his turn Jim replays Leyline and activates the Helm again, then just looks at me and shrugs, expecting he’s won. Being extremely fortunate in my starting hand, I repeat the Chain on Leyline play, then kill him on my own turn. Him having seen the Leyline of Sanctitys I boarded in from my dredges, I check that the wording on each of Helm and Grindstone includes “target player/target opponent” – “Yes, they both say target, your Leylines work!”

Game 3 starts on turn 0, with 2 Leyline of the Void for Jim, and a Leyline of Sanctity for me. “turn 1 is too slow these days”, remarks a passing Tim Willoughby. With all these Leylines in the way and little else in our hands, the game grinds to a near standstill, and I make the first of two fundamental errors: rather than just play mana-producing lands and cast crappy dudes very slowly, I play Bazaar and try to dig for 2 Chains. This is obviously wrong for a number of reasons, chiefly that I am more likely to find multiple castable creatures than I am multiple Chains, and I have more of these than Jim will in his deck, at least one of which (Stinkweed Imp) beats all of his (Goblin Welder and Painter’s Servant) in combat. In addition, if I Chain one of his Leylines, he can copy it to bounce mine, then win straight away if he has some combo pieces in play. Altogether very poor from me. However, after Jim casts and a turn later attacks with the first of several Goblin Welders, I see the error of my ways and copy him in going back to the “world’s worst draft decks” plan. Sadly i’ve already thrown away 3 mana lands and at least two castable creatures (picking up 1 Chain in the process), but better late than never I guess. Several turns later and I’m at 12 to Jim’s 16 (all of it from his City of Brass), with 2 Narcomoeba’s and a Stinkweed Imp on my side to his team of triple Goblin Welder. Here’s my second fundamental error – not attacking with the Narcomoebas. In the midst of playing the most complex and expenive Magic format, I fail to do some draft-level combat math and see that even if he attacks every turn with the team, i’ll easily kill all his guys with Stinkweed Imp before he kills me, and this still applies when he plays a Painter’s Servan the following turn. However, I’ve got the fear now and keep everyone on defense. Time is called, and neither of us can win in the remaining turns, so a draw it is. Friends of each of us point out the combat errors, and raise the issue of Chain of Vapor reading more than just “U: bounce a permanent”, and I feel pretty foolish. Again.

1-0-1

Round 3 – Andrew Smith (Tezz):

My third round opponent is a smiley, mohawk-sporting fellow, who in game 1 has a turn 2 Time Vault and Voltaic Key on the play, each of us having mulliganed once. Possibly the strongest 6 card hand I’ve ever witnessed! Not having seen anything other than artifact mana and this combo, I assume Andrew is playing a Tezz deck, and board according to my sheet.

Game 2, I win on turn 2 with no resistance with a horde of hastey zombies, which I found to be a little odd, as after game 1 Andrew definitely knew what deck I was playing, even mentioning that he had “sideboard cards for Dredge”. He shows me his hand, which has no disruption for me, and a turn 3 or 4 (depending on if he drew another mana source) Vault + Key combo. In game 1 against an unknown opponent this would surely be worth keeping, but once he knew my deck, I found it strange he’d keep something with no interaction.

Game 3, he begins with a Leyline of the Void in play, and fortunately I’ve kept a hand that includes a Chain, along with a City of Brass to play it with, and a Bazaar which is currently not much use. I decide to wait on playing the Chain until I can straight away use Bazaar twice (at his end of turn, then in my own upkeep before he has a chance to replay it), so just draw, play Bazaar, and pass back. On his turn 2, Andrew dumps all but two cards in his hand, playing more mana, then casting Tinker to fetch out an Inkwell Leviathan. I figure if I can get Bazaar going, I can easily create enough chump blockers to win through his giant creature, so this isn’t as scary a situation to be in as many other decks would find it. However, here misplay epically again – on my turn I draw a Cabal Therapy, but intead of playing it to see what is left in his hand, I just say to myself “well he obviously doesn’t have Force”, play my land and pass back to him. Of course, when I then go to Chain his Leyline at the end of his turn, he pitches a blue card to counter it with Force of Will and I lose the game on the spot. Despite recognising my path to victory, I was still far too fearful of taking 14 from the Leviathan before I could get going, and so blew my Chain a turn too early, when I could have made sure it would resolve by playing Cabal Therapy first. So this cost me the game for sure, and again I feel pretty silly.

1-1-1

Round 4 – Simon Cooper (Tendrils):

SEE: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KECbCoo6OvI

2-1-1

Round 5 – Ben Lei (MUD):

Ben, a good friend and TGC regular, is feeling awful due to having not taken his medication on time, but doesn’t scoop despite clearly needing to go home and take it. He can’t concentrate at all, and makes some big misplays (like not playing either of the Tormod’s Crypt in his opener g3) that allow me to win.

3-1-1

Round 6 – Calvin Skentelbery (Zoo):

I combo out quickly in game one, then during sideboarding he flips over a Ravenous Trap, so I know exactly what do Cabal Therapy for to clear the way before my “big turn” in g2.

4-1-1

Quarter-Final – Martin Gaught (Oath):

I have never beaten an Oath deck. Ever.

Also he had Oath+Orchard out on turn 1 and turn 2 IIRC.

K.O.’d

2011 - time for an update!

2011-01-21T13:55:00.003Z

I've not updated in ages, sorry about that...

A few quick points:

I achieved most of my new year's resolutions last year, failing mainly on the "read 50 books" front - I only got up to 30 or so.
A lot of my Magic-based writing is being featured on other sites - I'm currently in the final stages of the StarCityGames Talent Search, so check out my work there and vote for me!
I don't have internet yet at my new flat, but once I do, expect dangerawesome.com to redirect to a new landing page. This blog will still be linked to from there and updated occasionally, but more frequent writings may appear on other websites.

Announcing: Shelf Builder's Toolkit (21)

2009-11-03T16:22:00.002Z

Do you have friends? And are you tired of them always complaining because they don't have enough space to store their Magic: the Gathering cards? Alternatively, are you just starting out in Magic? Do you worry that you don't have enough storage space for all of your decks?

Starting May 21, 2010, you can hook up a friend (or yourself!) with the Shelf Builder's Toolkit, which will contain 100 tip and trick cards and 125 semi-random nails/screws, along with four 15-piece-of-wood booster packs for only $19.99. It's the perfect way to start a shelf-building career!

The Shelf Builder's Toolkit will also contain a card storage box to put on your shelf, a guide containing construction tips, and expert advice on how to custom build the deadliest and most effective shelves possible. And since no two Toolkits are the same, each one presents its own unique shelfbuilding challenges!

What does a 3-0 Zendikar draft deck look like? A few examples (20)

2009-10-20T21:18:00.005Z

I'm sure if you're reading this, you will have read some of the many articles on Magic draft strategy (be it this format, or any other) already. These articles typically focus on "pick orders" for the commons, and while some include a decklist, most have just the one, as they are in a walkthrough article, and so the average player must read many of these in which the author has done well (and this is not always the case) to get a good idea of what a deck that can win a draft looks like, outside of their own experiences.

So, rather than present a story of one draft, here i'm cutting straight to the finish, with a handful of decklists, each of which went 3-0 at a triple-Zendikar draft at The Games Club in London, UK (one of the better clubs in the country for limited, or so our reputation has it). I hope these will be able to give some idea of what to aim for at one of your drafts too - i'm a big fan of "drafting to spec" myself, so have always found it helpful knowing what a 3-0 deck might look like.

Which one is your favourite?

Note - these certainly do not represent all of the strong strategies present in Zendikar draft - amongst other things, there is certainly a criminal absence of Grazing Gladeheart here! (the deck i 3-0'd with it i forgot to note down, opps...)

Ross Miles, R/W:

Steppe Lynx
Kor Skyfisher
Kor Aeronaut
Goblin Shortcutter
2 Plated Geopede
2 Ruinous Minotaur
Gobllin Ruinblaster
Kor Hookmaster
Kor Sanctifiers
Torch Slinger
2 Bladetusk Boar
Shatterskull Giant
Kor Cartographer
World Queller

Burst Lightning
Punishing Fire
Journey to Nowhere
Magma Rift
Inferno trap
Arrow volley trap

9 mountain
8 plains

Glenn Goldsworthy, G/B/r Allies:

3 Oran-Rief Survivalist
2 Stonework Puma
Oran-Rief Recluse
Tajuru Archer
Joraga Bard
Bala Ged Thief
2 Nimana Sell-sword
2 Heartstabber Mosquito
2 Hagra Diabolist
Tuktuk Grunts
Murasa Pyromancer

Soul Stair Expedition
Vines of the Vastwood
Marsh Casualties
Khalni Heart Expedition
Harrow
Gigantiform
Predatory Urge

Oran-Rief, the Vastwood
Piranha Marsh
7 Forest
6 Swamp
2 Mountain

Kieran Symington, B/W:

2 Steppe Lynx
2 Guul Draz Vampire
Vampire Lacerator
Surrakar Marauder
Gatekeeper Of Malakir
Blood Seeker
Cliff Threader
Vampire Nighthawk
Kor Hookmaster
Crypt Ripper
Felidar Sovereign

Quest For The Gravelord
Soul Stair Expedition
Trusty Machete
Journey To Nowhere
Marsh Casualties
2 Hideous End
Bold Defense
Narrow Escape
Mind Sludge

9 Swamp
6 Plains
Kabria Crossroads
Soaring Seacliff

Dan Barrett, R/B:

Goblin Guide
Goblin Bushwhacker
Vampire Lacerator
Warren Instigator
Plated Geopede
2 Surrakar Marauder
2 Goblin Shortcutter
Vampire Nighthawk
2 Torch Slinger
Bladetusk Boar
2 Crypt Ripper
Geyser Glider

Quest for the Gravelord
Explorer's Scope
Adventuring Gear
Punishing Fire
Hideous End
2 Spire Barrage

10 Mountain
7 Swamp

How not behave as a Northerner visiting London, part 2 (19)

2009-10-12T21:15:00.002Z

It appears my definition of "tomorrow" is pretty damn loose, heh.

Anyway, i promised a part 2, so before i go back to some of "the usual magic yawnathon" (Cheers Fionnbharr! :P), here it is.

After a great not-quite-my-birthday of playing a new set of Magic, i settled down in the patio area of the Royal National Hotel's bar with my friends, flatmates, and Hana for a drink or four before we headed round the corner to Bloomsbury Lanes to neither bowl nor do karaoke as i couldn't afford to book either for us in advance.

It was all very nice and friendly - i had some drinks bought for me (thanks, guys!), and won a fifteen-quid card off compulsive Gambler Gary in a game of heads or tails (yes, we really do make bets/play games that stupid). A lovely evening.

That was, until i decided to sit down and pick up my pint upon returning from the bathroom...

"Get yer hands off that or al break yer arms," came a gruff Northern voice to my right.

I looked round, pint half raised to my lips to take a sip, and saw a man of about 60, plain but neat clothes, with grey hair and a bushy mustache, looking down at me and my friends trying to enjoy our evening.

"Thats MY pint", he declared with eyes full of rage. I was in no doubt at this point that despite being a fair amount smaller than me and outnumbered, this man would definitely try to break my arms if i gave him any further reason to.

I put the glass back down on the table from where i had picked it up, next to 2 identical glasses, the 3 all equally full within a sip or two. "I'm sorry," I explained, i thought that was my one"

However, my simple explanation was not well received. "You will be sorry if you touch ma pint again."

I know was certain this man was a complete dickhead, having apologised to him with a perfectly reasonable explanation, only for his initial unnecessary threat of violence to be repeated. "Look, they're very similar!" I tried to reason, "Is this one mine?" I picked up another of the glasses.

"NO! That's my WIFE'S!" The woman in question, equally aged and with the facial features of a potato and the figure of the sack it came in, now turned to join him and scowled down at me.

"Okay, it's a simple misunderstanding. This one must be mine then," and i traded the wife' pint for what was presumably my own. "Are you going to hurt me for drinking this one?" I couldn't help but add, as he angrily picked up the 2 glasses he claimed were theirs and muttered some curses under his breath. I turned back to my group, who started openly mocking the ridiculous spectacle they had just witnessed. I had to laugh.

Now, i am sure you have been in the same situation before when out drinking. It usually plays out as follows:

*picks up drink*

"Oh, excuse me mate, i think you've got my pint there?"

"Oh, my bad mate, i guess this one is mine"

"No worries fella!"

Notice how different the two encounters are? This is because mine was with a Northerner rather than a local. And looking back on various times i and friends have encountered Northern visitors in London, we saw a number of recurring trends in their behaviour when visiting our city:

- An enormous chip on their shoulder, for no apparent reason, leading to bitterness at all times, even when they are supposed to be enjoying themselves.

- Prone to violence, or threats thereof, at the slightest provocation (notice how ridiculously over the top it is to threaten to break not one, but both of someone's arms just because they touched your drink. It's insane).

- Strong feelings of distrust towards native Southerners, even when they are trying to help you.

I'm not sure why they act like this, but if you are going to come visit your nation's capital, grow up and behave like an (at least semi-intelligent) adult. I don't know if you're just pissed off because you spent 8 hours on a bus to get here because you were too tight to pay a few quid more for a plane, or you hate working in a mine up there, but whatever it is, get over it!

(:P)

How not behave as a Northerner visiting London, part 1 (18)

2009-09-30T21:41:00.006Z

It was fairly early (for me at least, 9am) on the bright Saturday morning just gone, when i had my first encounter of the day with an uncouth Northern tourist.

Yes, this is going to be one of those blog entries...

So, back to my story - i was heading out from my flat in Chalk Farm, to catch the 168 bus to down near Euston, for one of my quarterly total geek-outs, a Magic pre-release. As such, i was in a good mood, and when accosted by an overweight middle-aged Northern man in a pink polo shirt and the rest of his family as i walked past the station, was willing to attempt to give them directions:

"scuse me, where's the town centre?"
"Umm, do you mean the centre of Camden, or central London?"
"the town centre"
"Okay..." *thinks* "Where is it exactly you wanted to go?"
*sighing, as if i am the idiot here* "i already said, the town centre"

At this point, i wanted to tell him to piss off, and that this is a city of 7.5 million people, and as such is pretty fucking big. There is no such thing as a town centre. Instead, for some unknown an masochistic reason, i stuck at it:

"Where is it you are hoping to go, exactly? Like, shopping, or what?"
"Yea, the shops. And some breakfast first"
"Any shops in particular?" *looking at his family, who are all watching us, engrossed by seeing an actual Londoner give him directions. How proud they must have been!* "Perhaps TopShop or something?"
"Yea, the big one"
"Okay, so you want to go to Oxford Street then"
"So how do i get there"

I looked at the tube map on the wall behind me, and proceeded to give some simple instructions:

"Take the tube from here South, Charing Cross branch. Get off at Tottenham Court Road, and then walk up to Oxford Circus" *traces line from one station t the offer with finger on map*
"But we want to go to Oxford Street. Why are you telling us to get off there and walk?"
"Because it's quicker to walk for 5 minutes than to change onto the Central line for 1 stop"
"But you said walk to Oxford Circus, we want to go to Oxford Street!"
"I know that" *sighing, heavily* "That is where all the shops are, trust me"
"Why can't you tell us how to get to Oxford Street station"
*Temper now rising* "There is no Oxford Street station. Oxford Street runs between Tottenham Court Road and Bond Street, most of the shops are around Oxford Circus station"
"Fine..." *now to his family* "I guess we'll try going down here then..."

They then entered the station, leaving me without even saying thank you, and having been patronising to me, the guy being helpful and giving them accurate directions, which they didn't want to trust. What was wrong with these people?

The answer became clear later, when i had another choice encounter with someone else from the wrong side of the Watford Gap... check back tomorrow for part 2.

5 quick book reviews, 2 cards you may want to invest in (17)

2009-09-09T20:59:00.003Z

I've been reading a lot lately.

And when i say "a lot", what i really mean is that i'm on my 6th book in just under 2 weeks. However i am cheating slightly, as a couple of the books i didn't have to read cover to cover, but only finish off. Here's what i thought of each of them.

Chuck Palahniuk - "Pygmy"

Written in the broken English of a non-native speaker, "Pygmy" follows a foreign exchange student from an unnamed far-East Communist state as he infiltrates a typical American family, and then attempts with his comrades to bring the country down from the inside with a deadly science-fair project. Tricky to read at first due to the very unusual style (a typical sentence: "Begins here ninth account of operative me, agent number 67, regaining host residence subsequent student mating ritual"), once you get into it, a decent read. Can't help but feel it's not as strong as his earlier books though, while god, it doesn't quite have that "would stay up til 4am to finish reading" spark.

James Palumbo - "Tomas"

I bought this one in spite of, and not because of, the positive quotes about it i'd seen in big poster adverts in the tube. I'm both skeptical of books that are advertised on posters/tv, and also there is something i don't like about people such as Stephen Fry and that dreadful tit Noel Fielding enjoying the same things i do. Onto the book itself, it's an extreme caricature of the excesses of modern Western life, from gang-rapist football teams to enormously fat Russian billionaire oligarchs, and women with such impossibly large fake breasts they have to wheel them around on trolleys. Main character Tomas takes it upon himself to destroy everything this society has become, in an enjoyable read that will doubtless leave you hating anyone who owns an Aston Martin.

Tao Lin - "Eeeee Eee Eeee"

The title is apparently the noise a dolphin makes, when it isn't feeling guilty about not replying to its mentally handicapped penpal, or telling off a bear in a narrow underground cave for forgetting it had the ability to teleport. Such is the world of this delightfully surreal and quick to read book. I couldn't tell you what the plot is, or what it means, but i can say with certainty it will bring a smile to your face. It has a lot of nice sentences in it.

Malcolm Gladwell - "Outliers" , "The Tipping Point"

Two absolutely fascinating books from bestselling psychologisy/sociologist Gladwell, who tackles the two questions of what causes success, and how social epidemics are caused. They're effortlessly engaging, and full of intriguing and unexpected facts, and i happily went and bought his other book, "Blink" (reading now) without even knowing what it was about on the strength of these two. Did you know the main cause of airline crashes is mitigated speech in the cabin? Or that 90% of schizophrenics are heavy smokers? Or that kids tv shows "Sesame Street" and "Blues Clues" are painstakingly constructed for the absolute maximum educational benefit? Neither did i, and there's a world more where these came from. My highest recommendations of the 5 go to these two, everyone should read them.

(Magic) 2 cards you may want to invest in

I'm sure all you Magic players reading this have seen the spoilers so far for Zendikar, and are psyched to be getting enemy-coloured fetchlands, among other goodies. Based purely on the spoiler so far, a couple of predictions for cards that may be worth acquiring.

Vampire Nocturnus - has great synergy with the new vampires that are coming up, some of which (the BB 2/1 that returns to play with landfall) are certainly constructed playable. I bought 4 for 1 Euro each at GP Prague, and since then they've gone up to $3.99 on StarCity, and are currently sold out. If mono-black Vampires becomes a played archetype they'll certainly be worth double that (especially as a mythic rare), and might still go up a decent amount more just because casual players love playing tribal archetypes (so you'll easily trade them on for value)

Knight of the Reliquary - also sold out on StarCity at $9.99 (pretty sure this was half that before spoiler season began), this has the potential to be MASSIVE with fetchlands. EoT crack fetch for forest, sac forest to Knight, get fetch, crack it for +3/+3 (+2/+2 every turn)? Seems strong, and should easily be a 5/5 for 3 that manafixes and thins your deck.

Honourable mention goes to Gemstone Mine, which i think would have been very played in an extended without fetchlands (see Quentin Martin's article a few weeks back, you'll see what i mean), but alas that is not to be. On that front, might be worth picking up Restore Balance + March of the Machines ($0.59 each!) in case its a real deck, as right now it must be the cheapest half-decent deck in 1.x, but only time will tell. Oh, and any Lorwyn/Shadowmoor block cards you may want, now is probably the time to get them, as dedicated standard players will be offloading shortly - Kitchen Finks, Glen Elendra Archmage, Figure of Destiny, etc.

Magic GB Nationals Report, part 3 (16)

2009-08-23T21:01:00.007Z

Before we get going, a couple of quick general points:

- After a couple of different people complained about the light text/dark background combo, i've changed the layout. I'd heard it was more readable and less painful to readers eyes that way, but apparently not. Hope this works better for you, Amar, Dan, and co!

- Today i bought a New Era cap and a half-price pair of Von Zipper aviators, and as a result am very pleased with myself. Until we get to the part where i put them on credit-card as i have no money, that is.

- Text message of the week: "Dan finish with this girl so we can spoon" - James Mills, 3.15am, Saturday. Sorry dude, i was busy.

TOURNAMENT REPORT RESUMES:

When i left you last, i'd played3 rounds of standard, going a measly 1-2, and had drafted and played one round and won. And no one knew where Gary was after he'd fallen asleep on the beach about 12 hours ago. Ahh well!

Round 5 - Rob Wagner

Someone from London told me this guy was good, so knew i'd have to play especially well. Game 1 i won, but in the process saw his deck was pretty good against my fairly small guys - Vithin Stinger and Ember Weaver being key problems, and i also saw i'd have to watch out for him super-cycling Resounding Thunder to burn me out if the game went on long enough as well. Unfortunately, i decided to ignore all this play like shit in round 2, attacking into a Ember Weaver that could obviously kill my 3-toughness guy, and then letting him attack me down to 1 with an active Stinger on the table when i could have blocked more. Game 3 though went much more my way, with a turn 4 Wall of Reverence gaining me 11 life, and Rob drawing lots of land, even after a Shard Convergence took out 4 of them.

Round 6 - Andrew Morrison

I don't remember a great amount of game detail from this match, but i lost 0-2, mainly due to massive creature stalls my deck really had no way of getting out of, even after gaining 15 life in game 2 with my wall. Oh, and i mulliganed to 5 in game 1. More of note are a couple off-board situations. First was in game 1, when i had 4 mana up after an early turn in which i didn't play a creature, because i didn't actually have one in my hand after playing 1 or 2 on my mull to 5. Andrew was pretty paranoid about me having Offering To Asha, asking "what's that blue-white counterspell that costs 4?" Without thinking about it i looked at my hand as i shrugged, which actually turned out to be a great thing to do, as he was sure i had it then, even going so far as to cal a judge over to ask for the Oracle text of the card, which i didn't even have. Also to note is my own failure to call a judge over to watch for slow play. Even in serious tournaments, i am still very reluctant to do this, worrying my opponent will think i'm a dick, even if it's really warranted and could help me. At several points in the games Andrew spent a long time (over a minute) thinking during his own turns while i was pretty much draw-go, even acknowledging this himself and apologising, and i still didn't call judge. *sigh*

And so i was on3 losses, one more meaning there was no way i could top 8 - which after 6 rounds, i'd realised would not actually be impossible, if i could do a little better in the next draft, and get lucky with my pairings in the final 3 rounds of standard. It was now late afternoon, with another draft and the first round of it left to go for the day. I had plenty of time left, so got some food, and finally ran into Gary, in the process proving my nonchalance to others' worries correct - "He can look after himself, he'll be fine" i'd said, after others had been concerned he might have died, or something. However, while the man himself was okay, his possessions mot certainly were not... A brief explanation, written as Gary:

"So, me and Mills were at this club right, and it was awesome! We were drinking until like 5am, with the guy that owned the place giving us loads of really cheap double vodka cokes, we were leathered. Anyway, we left there as it was about to get light, and decided to go for a walk on the beach so i could throw some rocks and things. We did that, and then i was really tired, so thought i'd have a sit down, and then it turned into a lie down, and i fell asleep on the pebbles. Mills tried to wake me up, and said i could sleep on their floor, but i wasn't interested in anything but sleeping and told him to go away. I woke up sometime later, and it was light and birds were going to peck my head, so i shouted at them. I looked at the sun, and then at th sea, and i was very hot so it looked rather inviting, so i decided i'd have a swim. I stripped down to my boxers and went in, an it was lovely. I swam out quite some way, and was really enjoying it, despite it technically being 'exercise'. Then, i looked back to the beach and saw the tide was going in, and quite quickly. I swam back, but not in time, as my backpack and sleeping bag and clothes were now floating out to sea and were totally ruined. I had an iPod in that bag... So thn i had to put my wet jeans and t-shirt back on, and wander around Brighton soaking wet to find a laundrette to was and dry all my stuff in. And now i'm finally here at the venue."

Fortunately, as astute readers will remember, Gary gave me back a box full of expensive cards, so didn't have to pay me and Martin back for what we'd lent out. It wasn't all bad, Gary!

Draft 2

On the removal front, draft 2 went MUCH better, as i got loads. 1st pack 1st pick the rare was rubbish, and there was a Tidehollow Strix plus nothing else better (or blue or black), so pretty much the perfect start. I carried on thinking i was going to be Grixis after an Infest and a later-than-expected Hell's Thunder and Bloodpyre Elemental, but had also picked up a Topan Ascetic and Algae Gharial, and even had a Bant Panorama to help fix for them... Pack 2 was back to the Grixis plan, with a pair of Dark Temper's and a Fiery Fall making me very happy, but also an Armillary Sphere i could fix with. Pivotal was pack 3, pick 4 - I'd just picked 2 in-colour bombs, Spellbound Dragon and Lightning Reaver, along with Soul Manipulation, one of my absolute favourite cards to play. And then i got passed Bloodbraid Elf. I was tempted... but took "half a dragon", Skyclaw Thrash. Then i got passed another one, and was no way going to pass it (i mean, 6th pick Bloodbraid?!) I instantly regretted not taking the first one, as with 2 i would surely 3-0, right? Of course, i then ended up getting another excellent green card, Putrid Leech - and resigned myself to playing a deck that had slightly iffy mana (though enough fixers for U and G such that it was still playable), but for which the card power was awesome, and exactly the kind of deck i love playing in Alara block:

1 Dreadwing
1 Viashino Slaughtermaster
1 Putrid Leech
1 Dregscape Zombie
1 Tidehollow Strix
1 Jund Hackblade
1 Hell's Thunder
1 Parasitic Strix
1 Topan Ascetic
1 Bloodbraid Elf
1 Lightning Reaver
1 Bloodpyre Elemental
1 Skyclaw Thrash
1 Spellbound Dragon
1 Igneous Pouncer
1 Molten Frame
1 Armillary Sphere
2 Dark Temper
1 Infest
1 Soul Manipulation
1 Traumatic Visions
1 Fiery Fall
1 Veinfire Borderpost
1 Bant Panorama
5 Mountain
5 Swamp
3 Island
2 Forest

Notable sb: Unsummon, Spell Snip, Traumatic Visions, Molten Frame, Alage Gharial (?)

Round 7 - Simon Lee

Game 1 started with a judge at our table, as Simon had made an error in deck registration and as such received a game loss. Game 2 he was clearly kicking himself about this, and once i got going after we both mulled to 6, won the race to take the match.

Round 8 - Craig Barnes

I knew i'd passed Craig the first Bloodbraid, so expected him to be Jund or Naya - turned out to be the latter. Game 1 i got beaten down to 12 as i found my 4 colours of mana, and then was nigh-on unstoppable, as in turn i resolved Bloodbraid Elf, Spellbound Dragon, Lightning Reaver, and won. That said, while it didn't cost me, i did misplay by discarding non-lands to the dragon's ability when i had enough on the table - i was being greedy. Game 2, i made Bloodbraid turn 4, then he traded with it in combat, only to play land, 2-drop turn 5, and in his turn counter his creature and return Bloodbraid to my hand with Soul Manipulation. When you make a sequence of plays like that, you don't lose. (i won, in other words).

Round 9 - Joseph Jackson

I really don't remember much of games 1 and 2. He was playing an Esper deck that apparently "wasn't that good", he told me, i was playing well, and had even noted a checklist of cards in his deck to watch out for. We both played some stuff, and then he got ahead on the board slightly with an Esperzoa. I had no removal, but it was red, and somehow had no red mana. I have enough sources and time in my deck, it's not a worry yet, right? A few turns later, all i needto do to win the game is play any guy or removal spell to pull right back. I can't though, no red mana. Several more turns later and i'm hanging on, and then i lose. I have 8 or 9 lands in play, and my hand is absolutely heart-breaking: Viashino Slaughtermaster, Hell's Thunder,
Lightning Reaver, Bloodpyre Elemental, Fiery Fall, Dark Temper, Dark Temper. I shake his hand, show him what i had in mine, we both shake our heads, and i tick the drop box. I don't really feel like playing on "for pride" after that.

Still... i probably wouldn't have gone 3-0 in the final 3 rounds of standard anyways due to picking the wrong deck. But i don't know that, and it would have been nice to try, i play okay under pressure. But 5-4, ending up 77th out of 167 is a respectable effort for my first time at Nationals i'd say, and i certainly see what people were saying about the competition not being as lethal as i thought it was (i'd expected winning a round to be an achievement).

There's always next year i guess - i just wish it wasn't that long until i get to try it again! And of course, there'll be the drama of having to qualify first... I really hope i do, as other than my very last game i really enjoyed playing in this event, and have so much ambition to do better next year!

As for the rest of the weekend? I didn't play in the GP as i wanted to go and get really drunk after 2 days of Nats. I discovered how awesome team-drafting is (thank you Peter for letting us use your product, and congrats on your t8!), stayed at the Engine Room until 5am twice, dranks loads, saw lamp-post punching man, and had plenty of other fun besides. It was a great weekend, and everyone who was there knows it, cheers for all being awesome!

Magic GB Nationals Report, part 2 (15)

2009-08-20T21:28:00.007Z

We resume our story just before round 1 of Great British Nationals 2009. I guess now would be a good time to tell you what deck i was playing in the standard portion of the event:

Kithkin.

Yea, i know, right? Despite being advised otherwise by articles written by pro players, nearly all of my friends, our testing results, and my own gut reaction, i decided to play a deck that pretty much folds to (at the time the most prevalent deck, based on US Nationals) 5cc. Why? Because i had played it a lot, qualified and near top-8'd a PTQ with it (despite this being the arguably superior W/b version with Zealous Persecution), and biggest of all reasons, did not have faith in my own ability to pick up another deck on reasonably short notice (under a week). Looking back on it now, this decision, and especially the reasoning behind it was ridiculous. I'd played 5cc myself for a stretch of 6 weeks or so a while ago and had observed and commented on plenty of testing games with it, and came in 1st place at a Games Club standard event playing 5-colour-blood the very first day i'd picked up the deck a few weeks before this event as well. I certainly could have played either of these decks (or the very-similar-to-5cb Jund deck, or the R/B deck) and had a MUCH greater chance against the field. SIGH.

This being said, the nut Kithkin draw is VERY aggressive, punishing slower decks that may stumble if they miss a land drop, and against decks that rely against a 2-damage sweeper (ie: not Firespout/Caldera Hellion), an early Honor of the Pure can be game-winning, as all your dudes are out of range. Harm's Way (aka: pimp hand) is pretty savage vs sweepers also, though i'd not played with it much. I dismantled the deck to lend cards once i was out, so can't post an exact list, but it was pretty stock, the points of interest being 3 Ajani (despite CeddyP saying it's no longer good), 4 Ranger of Eos (and 2 BFT main) over the Cloudgoat Rangers, 1 or 2 (i forget which) fewer land to complement the lowered curve, 3 of these being Rustic Clachan (especially good with the sb Kitchen Finks against Jund decks), and a 2/2 split of Path to Exile and Harm's Way (2 more of each board). Oh, and a 61st card Mirrorweave. Many thanks go to Peter Dun and his team for giving me the list with 4 Antoine Ruel main i worked from, debatable compared to Cloudgoat Ranger in that slot, but i liked it a lot and trusted their judgement.

Round 1 - Stephen Murray (5cc)

I guess someone had to play last years runner up round 1, and it was going to be me. Game 1 i mulliganed to 5, then learned he had Firespout as well as Volcanic Fallout (rendering the game "nigh-on unwinnable" as opposed to just "very difficult"), and didn't deal him any damage until turn 6 (no 1 drop for me plus multiple sweepers from him), and conceded when he cast Broodmate Dragon #2. Game 2 i mulled to 5 on the play, played 3 Windbrisk Heights, but always had my 3rd guy eliminated pre-combat, then had everything killed, before a Cruel Ultimatum death. Notable mistakes in this match were talking too much, and not knowing that Harm's Way cannot re-direct sweeper damage onto a planeswalker (well, it can, but as the controller of the damage source, he would obviously never choose to do so). Also, when h ran out of dice/beads Stephen used coins as counters on his Vivid lands, which i believe can carry some form of penalty, but i wasn't going to call a judge on that when he clearly was going to trounce me.

Round 2 - Paul Richardson (Grixis Swans)

One of my friends from Milton Keynes (aka: "Mortal Kombat" - James Mills), Paul likes drinking as much as we Londoners do, and once woke up on a couch at my house with a bad back from lying on a guitar hero instrument, still drunk from the bottle of vodka he finished drinking at 6am, and then fell over in a Budgens. Cool guy. He also is a fierce proponent of playing his own deck/a (janky) combo deck/a deck with swans in it. Game 1 i mull to 6 on the play, find out he has lots of removal (including Doom Blade for my BFT's), and die having dealt him little damage. Game 2 i mull to 5 on the play but pull out the win, and Game 3 is much the same - he didn't draw quite enough removal/sweepers, and this means i won, basically. It also meant i didn't get a crayon. This being a new concept from the MK crew, who i am still an honorary member of - out of the group, whoever is on the lowest record (which can be multiple people) after round 2, must score their subsequent games using a wax crayon. You keep the crayon until either someone else is doing worse than you, or you drop from the tournament. I like this game!

Round 3 - Chris Vincent (Grixis Fae)

I'm not sure what Chris is playing at first, as he leads with a R/B land, and it's a couple more turns before i see a Faerie. I win game 1 without taking any damage though, his draws weren't great. Game 2 i get him down to 2 and he stabilises and pulls back. Game 3, i punted: I missed 2 or 3 turns worth of Mirrorweave tricks, as being so focussed on winning fancily with the card i had in hand, i failed to recognise the situations in which i could have either effectively countered his Mistbind Clique, or forced unprofitable trades for him, both by targeting my own spirit tokens with it. "This is what you get for playing cards that interact with the opponent! Silly Kithkin player!" Milton Keynes mocked as they handed me a crayon...

Draft 1

My ideal plan for the draft sections was to be base U/B, as from my experience of a decent number of Alara block drafts this turned out well regardless of any additional colours, as Sedraxis Alchemist, Parasitic Strix, Deny Reality, Tidehollow Strix, Soul Manipulation are all pretty awesome. On the subject of a splash, despite my initial scepticism, i knew UBg was actually pretty awesome from MODO drafts with Stanj and Gary, as a lot of the powerful UG (Lorescale Coatl, Winged Coatl, possibly Nulltread Gargantuan) and GB (read: Putrid Leech) cards in pack 3 often went late as no-one was able to play them. I would also be happy to play UW or Esper, and possibly Jund, and did not want to play solid Naya (particularly the 5-power version), or solid Bant, and was fairly indifferent to GW.

The draft pod was pretty strong for 1-2 i think, with a couple of players i see in London occasionally who i'm sure are better than me (Simon O'Keefe, Simon Bouton), plus Rob Wagner, who i've heard the name of a lot, and therefore assume must be better than me also. Timed draft i hadn't done before but quickly got the hang of, though is MUCH less fun than any draft in London due to enforced silence. I didn't see ANY removal the whole draft, and ended up pretty much forcing UW as the Esper didn't appear to be there, giving me the following:

2 Court Homonculus
1 Akrasan Squire
2 Ethercaste Knight
1 Darklit Gargoyle
1 Vedalken Outlander
1 Etherium Scupltor
1 Aven Squire
1 Talon Trooper
2 Kathari Screecher
1 Ethersworn Shieldmage
1 Lich Lord of Unx
1 Wall of Reverence
1 Vectis Agents
1 Sanctum Plowbeasts
1 Enigma Sphinx
1 Kaliedostone
1 Mask of Riddles
1 Zealous Persecution
1 Spell Snip
1 Lapse of Certainty
1 Deny Reality
1 Grixis Panorama
1 Arcane Sanctum
6 Plains
6 Island
2 Swamp

Notable sb: Cancel, Hindering Light, Constricting Tendrils

It was after collecting my lands for this, having handed in my decklist, that i saw Mills again, and asked him where Gary was, as several people had asked me why he wasn't around. "I dunno, still on the beach?" "Thanks James". Ahh well, he can look after himself, right? Of course, i didn't know that at this point Gary was having a terrible day, having lost out in a fight with the sea...

Round 4 - Paul Richardson (again!)

Oh, Paul was in my draft pod too! During round 2 i'd asked him what his plan was for drafts, and he said he didn't know as he'd only done block draft a couple of times, and not in ages. "Sorry man, but one of us has to keep using a crayon, and it's not going to be me". I could afford to be a little cocky, as i was playing against a friend, and had just written our names at the top of my scoresheet in wax crayon ffs. This might have been nationals, but the start of this round sure didn't feel very serious! Game 1 i won, we were racing but i played one more guy than Paul did. Game 2 i punished his slightly slow start with Constricting Tendrils (all his guys were simialr size to mine, so great when i have 2 and he has just the 1 and must block and try to trade), Lapse of Certainty, Ethersworn Shieldmage to stop another potential trade, and then Deny Reality. It wasn't a particularly fair game, but it meant i could give back my crayon, and was now at an even 2-2, and still potentially in contention...

(part 3 soon)

Magic GB Nationals Report, part 1 (14)

2009-08-18T20:32:00.006Z

(note: i am unsure how many parts this will come in - though they will follow one another fairly swiftly over the next few days to a week. Also, this is not just Magic-talk, there's plenty of amusing (i hope!) anecdotes in there as well)

A couple of weekends ago, after a month or so of testing (which i decided to ignore the results of, more on that later), i headed down to Brighton on Wednesday lunchtime, for 4 days of solid Magic. At least, that was the plan. I'd qualified to play in the event at Gravesend, some time before, but having done so, was not really sure how high to aim next. Approximately 3 weeks beforehand i asked Stanj, who told me i would top-8 this year, win next year, and then go on to be the greatest Magic player of all time. He then proceeded to be sick all over my bedroom floor. And then neither clean it up nor apologise the next day. What a dick. I settled on "going even" as my goal, but i really should have aimed higher.

Myself and Miulls arrived after our train down from London not long after lunch, and straight away met up with Ben T and Ed down on the beach for a celebratory "we arrived and found our hostel" beer. It was a Wednesday, i was wearing shorts, it was sunny, and i was on a beach with friends. I couldn't be happier. Mills and I dropped our stuff off properly, met up with Stu S (one of the MK guys we'd also be sharing our room with), and headed to the venue. I wouldn't be playing until 9am the next morning, but there were last-chance qualifiers several of my friends were playing in, so i wanted to go an support them.

We met up with Gary, who had gotten a coach down for the huge sum of one pound sterling, and i gave him the 5-colour control deck i was lending him (remember this detail, it's important), and shortly the sealed and standard LCQs began. I milled around providing encouragement for Mills, Gary, Ben, etc, hung out with some of the MK guys i'd not seen in a while, and also managed to trade 2 Baneslayer Angels of a guy valuing them at £12 while the traders on the other side of the room were selling them for near £30. Bonus. Sadly Mills and Gary scrubbed out (a crying shame for our BEER! MONEY! plan), but Ben had ground in, which was awesome.

Went out for some last-minute deck discussion (and food) with the MK guys, before meeting up with Gary and co for drinks. Apparently while i'd been eating pizza, they'd learned of a rock/metal club called "The Engine Room" just a few minutes up the seafront, which was owned by a Magic player, and you could get in for free by showing a Magic card. I figured i might as well chech it out with them, as i could have just a few beers, head home at 1am and still get enough sleep before the main event the following morning. So i did that, and knew very quaickly we would definitely be coming back to this place several times over this trip, as it rocked! I grabbed my deck back off Gary (remember this!) so i could lend my new friend Phil from GFaqs some cards, and went to sleep...

At 7am the following morning (1 hour before i had intended to wake up), i was woken by Mills falling into the room, absolutely smashed. He had been drinking all night. He started loudly ranting about the night at The Engine Room, and Stu was quickly awake as well. As it turned out, the place had only gotten more awesome after i'd left, and they had stayed there drinking until 6 or so in the morning, at which point Gary decided to have a lie down on the (pebble) beach, and had fallen asleep. Despite Mills' protests and offering of space on our floor, that's where he wnated to spend the night, so that's where he'd been left. Mills was not very happy about this, and he repeatedly shouted to us about it.

Resigned to not getting any more sleep, i hopped into the second worst shower of all time, got dressed, and then we headed down for a cooked breakfast. Ordering aparently took the last of Mills' energy, as he fell asleep several times in the 6 minutesor so it took for the 3 plates of bacon and eggs to arrive, but seeing this piped him up a bit, and after a hearty breakfast we set off to see if Gary was still on the beach before going to the venue.

Asit turned out, there was no sign of him on the beach. "Oh well, he can look after himself" we all shrugged, not realising the peril he would shortly be facing, and headed into the Brighton Centre at 8.30am, not long before 167 of us would sit down for the first day of the Great British National Championships 2009...

(part 2 coming... soon)

Unlucky Thirteen (13)

2009-07-06T22:29:00.003Z

That was just a clever title, i'm not gonna complain about anything (except maybe not having quite enough money...) don't worry!

Also, i've not updated in too long - if some of you would be more vigilant and remind me, that would be awesome, cheers!

So, news...

No, you can just have some bullet points. Shut up.

- Poison The Well are an awesome band. How did i not realise this for like the 6 years they have made good music? Ridiculous. Go and buy "The Tropic Rot" as soon as you can or be a terrible person.

- Like i predicted, Brokencyde are THE band of 2009. If you don't get the fact that they are Meta-music, in-fucking-credible marketing, and appreciate the genius, then *shakes head*

- List of people i miss from Bedford: Ryan, Tom, Matt, Morgan, Whatley + co, Becky, Jenni, various other women. Oh, and my family, i guess... :P

- List of people i miss from Oxford: Ben, Widget, Joe, Beth, Emma, Jen, Her. *sigh*

- My biggest problem with stripping to just my pants for work the other day (see: here )? Not having enough tattoos. Ash (@ashgazal) had the same issue. That's because we're both awesome.

- Price of a haircut = £15 to 30. Price of getting your haircut by co-workers = £0. Looks like i win that game!

- Needing to lie down and just listen to tunes when you get home fromwork = less time for reading, which is sad. Still not finished the new Palahniuk.

- Looking forward to Tom's birthday shindig a week on Sat. Moreso, hoping he follows through with his promise of going to uni.

More soon, kids!

xx

Gravesend Magic Weekender - Qualified for Nationals! (12)

2009-05-17T21:56:00.016Z

Yea, kinda not updated in ages - work is hectic, but always enjoyable, right now, with some absolutely incredible stuff coming up i am itching to tell everyone about... but can't quite yet. Rest of my time is spent with domestic shiz and doing some going out/recovering from going out. Sucks a little i haven't managed to see my friends from back home or Oxford, despite really wanting to, but i guess that will just have to be amended in time.

Oh, and i'm fine by the way! Before we get to the bulk of this post, a report on the epic and awesome Magic weekender in Gravesend (great time and a nice venue, but a shit town), a few quick thoughts before those of you that aren't M:tG players switch off:

- According to the Jesus College newsletter i received, the college needs donations, as they only have £136 million. LOL. Also, someone who was in my year wrote a novel. Well, i wrote 3 novels while i was there, so suck it. (Of course, i wasn't a French-speaking arts student, so no-one gives a shit about my achievement, but the point still stands i feel).

- Why the hell did nearly 1 in 3 people in this country watch the Britain's Got Talent final? It's all staged, obviously. Simon Cowell must be riding that smug grin all the way to the bank...

- I'm really glad that woman on the Northern line a week last Friday had her bag nicked. Allow me to explain - I'm on my way to Magic from work, on a packed tube around 6pm. At King's Cross, a snooty-looking upper-middle-class woman gets up from sitting aloof in a seat (which she certainly didn't give up to the fragile-looking guy of about 90 who got on at the same time as me), gets off, then starts swearing in far too posh a voice to swear in. She quickly jumps back on, saying someone has taken her bag, while waving around another (Louis Vuitton, no less) bag - and then turns to me, and says "It was you, wasn't it!" I look at her in disbelief, "err... excuse me?" And then she gets off while shaking her head and muttering under her breath. After the train pulls away, and i wish i'd said something a lot more offensive to her, i look to the strangers i'm standing with - "Did she seriously think it was me?!" This open question is met with lots of comments along the lines of "What a bitch" and "She deserves it", as they all saw how shocked i was by her accusation, and how clearly innocent i am and ridiculous this claim was. It was at this point i knew i had officially transitioned into being a Londoner, and realised what this city is all about - having an allegiance with strangers over some silly twat that deserved to have her stuff nicked. :D

And now on with a report on the Gravesend Magic Weekender - 3 days of Magic in a sunny (well, the weather was nice...) town i'd never heard of. To be frank, the town itself is a bit of a hole, though the venue we were in and the people who ran it were nice enough, even if the locals were a bit... simple (At one point i heard a guy in a football shirt ask his mate, "So what's with all them card game queers then?").

Anyways, 3 days of non-stop Magic, drinking, camping, and hanging out with friends was gonna be good wherever it was. Day 1 there was a sealed event, which (as is tradition) i went 0-2 drop in, losing r1 to the guy with 2 wraths (Martial Coup + Lavalanche. Must be nice) who obv top 8'd, and then got a game loss at the start of r2 for only registering 29 cards in my deck, like a total noob, before losing to Tom Brown's nuts aggro draw in his mis-built deck after mulliganing down to 5. It was worth it though, as seeing the results slip gave me the inspired nickname for him, "Brown Tom", which we have been making him cry with ever since. Bonus!

After that, i started drinking early in the afternoon, along with the others including Millsy, who hadn't touched alcohol in about a month. We all knew this, which meant we knew it was going to be funny. A couple of old-set drafts later, and it was late and we were all a bit drunk, except Millsy, who was utterly wrecked, and causing havoc all over the place. His offences included, but are not limited to:

- Stealing other people's takeaway, and spilling it all over the floor
- Stealing a bottle of champagne from the venue
- Losing his glasses outside
- Falling asleep behind the judge station
- Mooning a draft table
- Repeatedly ringing up and harassing his girlfriend
- Streaking
- Shouting at Gary for wanting to play a 72 card deck
- Shouting at everyone else, for various other things
- Pissing himself (allegedly...)

The following morning, after a few hours sleep in my tent outside, it was time for a standard PTQ. In the abscence of time to put anything else together, i played a deck i knew well, W/b Kithkin. Given time to build and test something else it wouldn't have been my choice most likely, but experience has to count for something, right? 5 of 6 rounds, and i was on 4-1, amazingly, having done about 3 wins better than i expected to. Ifi won the next one i made top 8, and got to play off for a trip to Austin, Texas! However, the 6th round turned out to be against an experienced Faeries player, a match-up i had totally not anticipated or prepared for, and as such went a bit on tilt, kept hands i probably should have mulliganed, and lost 0-2 fairly quickly. Lame. Worst still was that by7 coming 10th, i ended up with 7 packs worth of prizes, whereas 1st through 9th got 24 packs each. WEAK!

The rest of the day i spent having a few more drinks, and doing a little drafting, and generally just hanging out with everyone. Haing done much better than expected in the PTQ, my confidence was boosted, and i felt good about playing the deck in the following day's Nationals Qualifier, the event i really cared about. Over the evening of course, the GP Barcelona results came in, and everyone was talkign about the breakout deck there, Cascade Swans - even after tweaking my sideboard a bit, it wasn't a match i'd want to play, and i knew several people were building it for the next day...

After a full 7 hours sleep in my tent (this time joined by Stanj, who despite managing to convince Matteo Orsini-Jones to buy hyim a tent, couldn't be arsed to put it up), i got up, had a bacon and egg sarnie, and was ready to try and qualify for Nationals, on my 4th attempt this season at doing so (if you want the decklist, just ask, though it should be up on deckcheck soon, i hope):

Round 1 - Sean, playing Faeries:

Revenge! I'm not sure whether it was me playing better, him not being as good as yesterday's round 6 opponent, or what, but this seemed a hell of a lot easier than when i played the deck a day earlier, and i won 2-0 fairly quickly.

Round 2 - Jon, playing BW Tokens:

A good guy and fun opponent, i provedhow much faster my deck was in game 1, but hdidn't manage the same in either of games 2 or 3. Lost 1-2

Round 3 - Ed, playing R/B:

A good match-up for me, especially post-board. Won game 1 fairly easily, in game 2 he had a nigh-on unstoppable draw of Tattermunge Maniac, Jund Hackblade, Boggart Ram-Gang, but i won out in game 3. 2-1.

Round 4 - Graham, playing Dark Bant:

I wasn't sureho this match-up would be, but it turns out it's not so bad, especially after i board in my 2 terrors and Reveillarks. Won 2-0.

Round 5 - Jack, playing Finest Hour:

Not a match-up i was too confident about, but i did manage to get the t2 Zealous Persecution to kill his accelerant, which gave me a lot of tempo in game 1. Lost game 2, then won a tight game 3 after getting Runed Halo down on hsi multiple Rhox War Monks, meaning i could swing with my 8/8 Figure of Destiny without fear of being swarmed back the next turn.

At this point i was 4-1 with 2 round to go - a win in the next round meant i could ID into a qualifying slot!

Round 6 - Elijah, playing BW Tokens:

I won game 1, he won game 2, then game 3 was very interesting. At first i thought he was choking and was going to totally punt it, after in 2 consecutive turns he traded his 2 Mutavaults for 2 of my Goldmeadow Stalwarts. I then was a turn away from winning not long after, but he had Wrath of God to clear the board. We began rebuilding again, and after a while it was very close, and time was called. It was on the second last turn of extra time that a problem arose, a discrepancy in life totals. I had him on 8, he had himself on 10. It was the difference between a win for me, and a draw, as i could hit him for 8 with a pumped-up Figure of Destiny on the final turn. We called a judge over, and then when he ruledin my opponents favour, i appealed to the head judge, because, hey, there is no penalty for doing so, right, and it was possible he could rule in my favour, giving me the win i needed. In the end, he upheld the first ruling, and we drew. I'm 90% sure he was on 8 and not 10, as the turn his Kitchen Finks persisted and gained him 2 i dealt him 2 as well - thus no net change in life total, so i didn't mark it - however this was apparently the reason the judges hadn't ruled in my favour, sigh. Still, no hard feelings, Elijah! :)

As it was - had to win the next round to qualify.

Round 7 - Gianfran, playing 5 Colour Blood:

Not exactly a good match-up for me, however... i was on fire this round. I knew i had to win, and i wasn't preparedto lose. Brown Tom was watching this game, and afterwards told me i played perfectly. I'm not going to argue with that, as i pretty much ahd to in order to win this, and i know this is probably the best Magic i've ever played. I was playing around every possible card i knew he could have, never overextending, protecting my team from his cheap sweepers with Forge-Tender when i had to, etc. Game 1 i held a Zealous Persecution close to my chest from my opening hand all the way through, and eventually made a very high-risk play, which paid off - he attacked with a few guys, i declared no blocks and went down to 2, as he wa tapped out. I then activated 2 Mutavaults, swung with everything, and played Zealosu Persecution, alpha-striking him for 21, when he was on 20. Game 2 was also very tight, but my sideboard and him gettign stuck for land for a turn or two helped, and i eventually got into a situation where he was on 8, i had an 8/8 Figure of Destiny, but even if he had his one out for that (Maelstrom Pulse), i could swing with everything else and play Zealous Persecution to hit for 9. He passed the turn, i declared intention to attack, he said okay. I turned my Figure sideways, he declared no blocks... had a long pause... and then smiled and extended his hand. I'd qualified for Nationals!

A great end to a great weekend, and i guess serves as proof that in fact, i'm alright at this game! I went 9-1-3 over the weekend with the W/b Kithkin deck, which when they are updated tomorrow, will probably increase my rating by a LOT.

Of course, now i have another long road ahead of me, testing draft and standard (which will include M10 by then) before i head down to Brighton with 250-odd other players to try and earn one of 4 slots on the National team which will play at the World Championships in Rome in November. Of course, it's an exceptionally long shot, but... i guess it isn't completely impossible, right? :P

Alara Reborn Pre-release weekend highlights (11)

2009-04-27T21:52:00.004Z

(Warning: if you don't follow Magic, this post is probably a "skip" for you)

Pre-release weekends are fun as. Playing with new cards for the first time is obviously awesome, as is getting to play for 10+ hours without it being super serious or there being wait times between events. And these are especially sweet now that i have the biggest event in the country just a few tube stops away - as well as a smaller event on the sunday as well.

Of course, i played/hung out both days, about 20 hours total. 14 games, i went 8-6 overall. A positive record i'm always happy with, but it was a much better-sounding 8-4 until tha last draft...

No stupid-long (6k words) tournament report this time around, just some highlights (note this does not necessarily mean they are all good, perhaps i mean more 'brief moments to reca and reflect on'. But that's not nearly as immediate a description now, is it?)

(sat)
- The inevitable 0-2 drop in the sealed flight. Despite an okay pool/deck, i still can't win at sealed. I don't know what it is aout this format, but it's really starting to annoy me, i just don't ever feel like i can win. I need to 4-0 a flight at the next pre-re, and end this stigma i have about it.

- Opening 2 Maelstrom Pulse in 2 drafts. I hear opening money chase rares is a good thing ;)

- Awesomely fun and close game against Mustafa. Even when it got very tight and techy, a fun opponent (i find some people stop talking when the game starts getting techy), and i won g3 off a mull to 5 on the play, sweet!

- One of the best technical games i've ever played. After my first draft and discussions with some of the other London guys, we decide that Bloodbraid Elf + Jund Hackblade is in fact RETARDED GOOD, especially in multiples, and with a t1 borderpost, and also playing Violent Outburst. Anyways, 3rd draft of the day, i get exactly this deck, plus Dragon Broodmother + Kresh the Bloodbraided to make it even more OTT. I'm playing a guy called Richard round 1. g1 i mull to 4 on the play. And then win without taking a single point of damage. And he wasn't mana-screwed either! g2, he plays 2x Mind Funeral, getting rid of all but 7 cards in my library. He's at 16, and can probably kill me if he attacks with at least 1 dude a turn. However, by continually counting the number of cards i have left and making a fuss about it, i trick him into trying to just wait and mill me out. Which gives me enough time to play 3 more dudes, then draw another land, s.t. when i have just 2 more turns left, i can play all the combat tricks in my hand and swing for exactly 16 after he blocks what he can.

- Buy my own copy of Dominion. This is pretty much the most fun card game i've played other than

- Decide to take a gamble and buy £10 of raffle tickets as the day draws to a close. Win 5 boosters and a t-shirt, open them to see 2 Meddling Mage + Thought Haemorrage (£26 worth of cards)

- Then go on to drink heavily and play poker until about 6am, after hitting the hotel bar, and then a bunch of people come back to my flat.

(sun)
- Roll in a bit after lunchtime muchly worse for wear, straight into another SAA draft. Despite being a little creature-light, Spellbreaker Behemoth + Predator Dragon + 2 double-strikers and 4 pump effects seems pretty win. Win r1, and win again r2 against Charlie Grover, a player i really have no business beating (he is ~300 rating points higher than me). And he says he likes my deck, which is nice. Then in the final, my opponent doesn't want to split, which actually i don't mind, because as Charlie points out "with your deck, you want to play, you're probably going to win". g3, i mulligan to 4 on the play... and again, manage to win. This time it wasn't nearly as easy, as i somehow manage to catch up from 3 cards down, and get myself into the game, if a little behind. I have Dragon in hand, needing 1 more red source to cast it, and he's on about 18. A few turns and 3 activations of his Rockcaster Platoon later, he's on 12, and i draw mountain - of course, i go for the totally balls-out play, saccing my entire board to the Dragon and swinging for 12, win.

- Got Nandos. Nandos chicken is really, really nice.

- Another draft, this time our first of shards-conflux-reborn. It doesn't go nearly as well, end up with a mediocre RGb deck. Lose to that stupid Lorescale Coatl (such a douchebag card in limited) on t3 of g2+3 r1, and then to Nick Lovett (he came 3rd at Worlds a few years back!) r2 when i mulligan to 5 both games, him with a hand of removal. Lame.

All in all, a great weekend, although that last draft was a bit of a bummer, as was redshirting the sealed, yet again. Better do better next time around!

A whole bunch of random thoughts (10)

2009-04-20T19:37:00.003Z

- Arrested Development is pretty much the funniest tv show i've ever seen, and like every other tv show actually worth watching, it got cancelled. Meanwhile tripe such as Desperate Housewives and Gossip Girl continues to run riot. Ugh.

- 1 million followers on Twitter doesn't mean anything. Ashton Kutcher says Twitter "breaks down the barriers" between celebrities and the general public". The fuck it does. Whil i love using the service and find it a very useful service, until everyone's beloved @aplusk can respond to every single @ reply he gets, it's bullshit. Fun fact - if every one of his 1.2 million followers sent him an @ reply right now, at 15 seconds per reply, it would take him aproximately 1.7 years working 8 hours a day to reply to all of them. It's an impossible task.

- I saw a girl with the worst item of clothing i've seen this year so far on the tube home today. It was a dress, that from shoulders to waist was a red strappy top, then was 4 inches of a denim skirt, then the rest was one of those "gypsy" flower-patterned skirts that for some reason women think are cute despite the fact that they look like they were bought from a branch of Oxfam. In the sale. I think she probably made it herself though, thankfully. I'm not sure i could bear to see such an abomination catch on. Which means it probably will.

- I saw a girl with the world's second nicest arse last week. Note it was not the same girl as in the last bullet, which should have been evident from the difference in time, but i just thought i'd make that clear.

- New Zealand accents are absolutely hilarious. No, really. "Do you wanna chup broo?" "Ahh thet's fentistuck!" etc *howls with laughter* Also sorta cute.

- I can be too damn nice when playing competitive Magic. While i by no means want to be one of those no-fun asshole players who rules-lawyer the hell out of you until you either go on tilt or get game-loss'd, at a Nats Qualifier in Oxford i beat a player 200 ratings points bettr than me and felt the need to apologise profusely. Despite the fact that he made a misplay involving a well-known card. Fortunately, i then punted the next round for not being a good enough player to notice i could win the game with the cards in my hand. Lame...

- Speaking of Magic, Legacy is awesome. An exceptionally kind guy i've met literally twice, "Geechy", lent out a whole box of Legacy-decks for people to play on Saturday, after i recovered from my killer hangover (got ut of bed at 4pm) and went down to the Games Club. Angel Stax is fun because you don't actually win, just get your opponent to concede. Enchantress is fun because it feels like it shouldn't work, but it really does when you play Solitary Confinement with 3 Enchantress effects down. Countertop Goyf is amazing but hard as hell to play, from even before your first turn (do i Force that?) And Dragon Stompy is fragile as hell due to being several dozen eggs placed precariously in a not-nearly-big-enough basket. It's a shame i don't have all the expensive duals and staple cards to play it, because it really is such a fun format!

- I CANNOT WAIT TO WEAR SHORTS! ROLL ON SUMMER!

More soon kids...

The boat race, G20 protests, and other fun! (10)

2009-04-05T14:54:00.004Z

You know those rare people, those few very lucky people who genuinely enjoy going to work and doing their job? And that absolutely revel in telling you all about it given even the smallest opportunity?

Well, i know what you're thinking right now, and it's probably something a lot like: "Man i hate those people. What a bunch of dicks." And in the past i would have totally agreed with you. But i can no longer hold such a view, and must apologise:

I have become one of them. :P

Seriously, working for bragster is pretty much the best thing ever, and despite the fact i work slightly longer hours than most people (til 6.30 usually, but i get in at half-9), it doesn't really feel like that at all. No stupid dress-code, everyone i work wih is fun and i get on great with, my two "bosses" ( i use the term fairly loosely) give me plenty of freedom and responsibility, and all this for a company i can realy believe in. Sweet! Plus, the actual stuff i do on a day-to-day basis frequently has me thinking, "i can't believe i'm getting paid to do this", fo example:

Britain's Chev Chelios - In anticipation of the upcoming release of the film "Crank 2", we paid a friend of mine a thousand dollars (~700 quid) to change his name by deed poll to that of the main charcter, 'Chev Chelios'. My afternoon consisted of putting together a 9-foot tall cardboard cut-out, having a load of people from Lionsgate and a PA photogrpaher come to the office to take pictures of our new Chev being given a giant cheque by two girls in bikinis.

The boat race - A couple of users on the site had a bet between them about racing in dinghys... So we at HQ decided to help them out a little bit by putting them in the Thames at the mid-way point of the Oxford-Cambridge boat race. While it did mean i worked a Sunday, being a getaway driver in a transit van around the streets of London = good times!

G20 protest march - One of our two co-founders, Wim, decided on Wednesday it would be a good idea if we all took the mid-part of the day off, to go and join the G20 protests. Dressed as a chicken, a gorilla, a sumo wrestler, and Santa, with a huge bragster banner. It was a... strange day, to be sure.

Oh, and as of Thursday this week, i am a "proper" adult. I didn't turn 18, or 21 (long ago!). It wasn't that i got my first pay cheque, or paid the rent for my flat. It was this - i got my own business cards, check 'em out! :D

So yea, altogether another great week, absolutely loving everything down here! Especially now i've gotten settled into a routine a bit more, have been finding more time for fun things, such as Magic, and also have been very good today - i tidied and hoovered my room, and did a load of ironing - i am sure there will be a tear in my mother's eye when she reads that! :P

As always, the best way to see what i'm up to at all times is via my Twitter, @dangerawesome - but check back here for more soon, when i will try to talk about someting other than how awesome bragster is - i promise!

Some of the characters i see on the tube (09)

2009-03-19T20:45:00.007Z

Late again, yadda yadda...

After work this evening i got home, had a snack of pesto and cheese on crackers, (aren't i cultured?), did some laundry (aren't i well house-trained?), had dinner of bangers and mash with peas (aren't i British?), and then just now gave my own hair a trim (aren't i brave!) - cool, huh?

Quick weigh-in on the Jade Goody situation: It's a shame that we see fit today to give the most attention to those who least deserve it, i object strongly to the "people being famous for being famous/doing nothing" phenomenon of recent decades. However, it's your fault this happens, you being the OK-magazine-buying, MTV-crap-show-watching, my-life-is-boring-so-i'll-take-an-interest-in-someone-elses public. You, and the media, who recognise how stupid and easily amused you are, and who for the most part would rather pander to your tastes than risk an opinion you won't like (but hey, they gotta make money, right!). At least by her dying and everyone hearing no end of it some young women might remember to attend their screening appointments. That's if they're not too busy getting knocked up at 14.

Anyways, been in London a few weeks now, and you can expect blog posts about it for a few more weeks yet, it's still very new and exciting to me. Apologies to those of you who have lost that spark, and replaced it with a glazed-over expression when standing on the underground - maybe one day i'll join your ranks, but not anytime soon, i hope/think! Speaking of the underground, here are a few of the various encounters i've seen on the tube so far:

People i see a few times a week:

"Samuel K Jackson" - He's like Samuel L Jackson's slightly less-cool (but still pretty cool) brother. Is probably the only person i've ever seen who can pull off a duffel coat without looking like a sci-fi nerd, and wears a golf-hat backwards over his braided hair.

gingermorrissey - If i asked you to imagine what a "ginger indie twat" looked like, you would end up with a less offensive version of this guy. He looks absolutely ridiculous, with his patent leather coat, oversize "ironic" black round glasses, and his bright ginger hair cut trimmer short all around the sides and back in a perfectly horizontal line around his head up to the height of about a half-inch above his eyebrows, with a big pile on top. He fills people with rage so strongly upon sight, that the single conversation i have had while waiting for a (Bank) train at Chalk Farm in the mornings, was my agreeing with someone else that he was a twat, after he got on the ChaCross train. Douche.

blind guy - You must be brave as hell, because i can think of nothing scarier than not being able to see a thing in huge masses of people at rush hour on escalators and platforms you could literally step off and die. Yet no one ever gives up their seat for you when you get on the train. Either everyone but me who sues the Northern Line knows you personally and that you can handle yourself, or most people are arseholes. I'm guessing it's the latter.

People i've only seen once, but left a lasting impression:

turbo-cliché girl - She was wearing a purple beret, a green german army jacket, big new rock boots, and was reading a copy of George Orwell's "1984". And getting visibly would up by it, shaking her head and mumbling things about modern society and echoes and things to no one in particular. She'd probably think gingermorrissey was "like, totally hot and unique", and mate with him to form the most horrible children alive. My new purpose in life is to ensure this never happens.

"bin man" - A regular looking guy, who literally smelt like a bin. To the point that whe he got off the train, people were actually talking to eahc other, joking that he slept on a landfill site. Take a shower, bro.

People i see examples of all the time:

cat ears in Camden - Annoying, grating, unnecessary teenage girls who think they are "alternative" because they wear knee-high stripey socks, a neon tutu, and cat ears when out in public, usually at the Camden market buying overpriced tat. There is a male equivalent, but they are muchy less squeaky and squeally and fewer in number. The fact is, you just look stupid, and every word that comes out of your mouth makes people ahte you.

angry man in suit - The ultimate "city" cliche, and yet it is SO TRUE! All the time i see mid-30's and 40's blokes in suits with increased blood-pressure winding themselves up over a newspaper, or just missing a train, or being 2 minutes late for something. I'd tell them to relax, but i don' think they'd understand how...

Welcome to NW3 (08)

2009-03-08T13:55:00.005Z

Another superb piece of fortune, and i quickly put an end to commuting (after only one week!) by finding myself an awesome flat to have a room in with 4 awesome others (Kate, Kate, Ben, and Owen). So as of last weekend, i now live in Primrose Hill, NW3 - 5 mins walk from Chalk Farm Station, 10 mins walk from the centre of Camden, and 30 mins door-to-door for getting to and from work - a significant improvement on the absolute ordeal i was facing twice a day the week before. Sweet!

Work-wise, i'm really settling in and getting a handle on things, and even when we're receiving approximations to death threats from users after site updates it's muchly enjoyable. Plus, there are some ridiculously awesome things coming up (which of course i can say nothing about until they go live) that i am extremely looking forward to being involved with. Keep an eye out...

Other stuff... here's a quick brain-vomit of things - err... enjoy?

- I saw a big guy on the tube the other morning with a shaved head, leather jacket, and "Paris Hilton" tattooed on the back of his neck in swirly writing. I wonder what the hell is the story behind that?

- The cheapest wine you can buy from Sainsbury's is totally not worth buying. Surprising i know, but at £2.89 for a bottle, it had to be tried... Purely for scientific reasons, of course! (It was "Hock", btw)

- It's a really annoying temperature here right now - cold enough such that you have to wear a coat, but warm enough such that after 10 mins of brisk walking to/from tube you're slightly hot and bothered by the fact that you're wearing a coat.

- Saw Protest the Hero last night @ Underworld, who were absolutely fantastic. While far from the most lively of bands on stage (but decent enough, and the singer's between-songs banter was better than a lot of tv comedians') their musicianship/technical playing was incredible. Bearing in mind that over half of the bass/guitar parts are basically finger-tapping/sweep picking solos, this is a stupendous achievement. Support came from some band from LA who were crap, and The Chariot, who were much more lively, though a bit more of a muddled heavy sound. Oh, and the singer looked like he was about to pass out constantly (and had a double chin) and the drummer looked like Freddie Mercury.

- I've not yet had time to play a single game of MtG since getting down here, irl or online. :( Draft sometime soon though, even if it kills me to get there on time!

That's enough for now, i'll get back in the regular swing of updating this once a week soon, promise - still settling in to new flat/job/life, etc! It's all good though :)

Oh, and if you happen to want to visit, just give me a shout - you know where to find me!

Bye for now!

Dan

I can has job? (07)

2009-02-23T23:20:00.002Z

Yes, yes you can, Dan, as it turns out.

:D

Turbo-busy now i'm in my first week at Bragster (commuting for the time being, argh!) and getting ready for the move down to London that should be coming this weekend.

Will update properly soon. In the meantime, you should check out these links, they are delicious and contain 119% of your RDA of awesome and win. Oh, and sign up for the site, and add me as a friend, you wonderful, wonderful people!

Me - http://www.bragster.com/users/304564-dangerawesome

The Team - http://www.bragster.com/main/team

Bragster Twitter - http://twitter.com/bragster

Dan :)

Apologies... (06)

2009-02-16T21:00:00.004Z

... for skipping an update and being a bit late with this one, i am a bad, bad man!

I have been very busy though lately, mainly job application process (i don't really feel i can comment on that right now though, so bear with me on that front, it will be spoken of in due time), lots of trips to London for both that and social outings, odd things i needed to sort out at home, and the usual Magic happenings - speaking of which, i wrote an article of nearly 5000 words on the subject of the MK Conflux pre-re today, it'll be up on Twincast soon, and will link when it is, such that those of you interested can have a look at it. A few short things i can tell you about now though...

Went out for a meal at the new Mexican place on Tavistock St. a week and a bit ago with Bish, Gary, and Turner. Considering it's Bedford, we were pleasantly surprised to find it was actually really quite good, and also they gave us two rounds of free tequilas - havign a little chat with the manager (a Mexican bloke, via Germany) will do that i suppose! Afterwards Hob as ever, which was a very odd place to be on a Thursday night rather than the usual Fri/Sat, but awesome as always - plus we got to help out with the redecoration a bit. Nothing like helping to paint the walls yourself to give you some real pride in your local pub!

Valentine's day - definitely decided now that something you made yourself or put some real thought into trumps whatever you can buy with all the money in the world in a shop. Flowers/chocolates are outdated and meaningless, yo! But still, it'sa very commerical holiday, and if you like someone, you really should just be doing stuff when you want, just because you want to, not because you're guilted into it by a date printed in your diary. I gave a scarf i made and Arnie dvds (and i only learned to knit 6 days previously!), got a Douglas Coupland book i've yet to read (an excellent gift if you know me, it was 'Girlfriend In A Coma', btw), with a scarf coming in return also shortly. Had a nice day and steak for dinner, can't ask for much more than that, win!

Got a load of feedback on the book i wrote and made available for download recently, 'The Sunny Side of the Apocalypse' - I'm so delighted that some people have not only taken the time to read it, but finished the whole damn thing, and not just that, but have had some really positive and encouraging things to say about it as well. Been compared to a range of famous and well-selling authors thus far and all, very pleased with that! Thanks especially due on the reading the whole lot front to Bish Chelios and Jimmy Fowler, top lads and far too kind you both are! Writing-wise, i do have another little something brewing, more non-fictiony and actually sort of funny this time, and i might slip a little taster of that onto here sometime soon... if you want to read it that is? Shout if you do.

Catch you again soon all!

Dan :)

Wanting out + Conflux pre-release (05)

2009-02-02T22:05:00.003Z

I can't begin to tell you how much i want out of this place right now! Seriously, the more time i spend away from Bedford in London, or think back to what Oxford was like, or about any one of the other cities i've visited friends in (Birmingham, Leeds, etc), the more i realise i am very much sick and tired of being somewhere where so little is going on, and there are so few options. I already know everywhere there is to go do things, shop, eat in town, there is nothing more to be discovered on that front. And while i have a great many good friends here, it often feels like i've met everyone there is to meet in this town. It's like a British version of one of those cute little American towns, where people are born, grow up, grow old, and die, without ever really leaving the place. And that is not what i want!

Enough with that though, else i start sounding all 'emo' or something similar, erk... Had quite a busy week, applied for a few things, no responses yet though sadly - but still, i found another totally awesome position which i'll be sending off an application for tomorrow, so you never know... And no, it's not in Bedford, before you ask!

The weekend was even busier, with Friday night and Saturday down in the city (and i'm going back all next weekend too, yay!) , heading back home in the evening just in time to have a spot of Chinese take-out and a few hours sleep, before heading out again very early on Sunday morning for a full day's worth of Magic at the Milton Keynes Conflux Pre-release. I'm intending on writing more extensively about the day for the Twincast writing competition (hoping to win a £50 FTV Dragons box set!) but until that full article, and for those of you not quite geeky enough to read it when that turns up anyway, here's a quick run-down:

After heading out at just after 8am, and grabbing a McDonalds breakfast on the way there, the Bedford Four (myself, Nico, Paul, and Arun) arrived to play in the main event, Sealed, where we'd first get our hands on the cards from the new Conflux set, ahead of the street date of this Friday. With a local record of 42 players, it'd be 6 rounds of play, and we quickly got to opening our new cards and building some decks with which to compete.

I ripped like a champ, opening a £40 card straight off the bat, and the rest of my pool wasn't bad either, i built a fairly solid deck. Then came the games - skipping straight to the finish, going into the final round i was joint 3rd on 12 points, with 4 wins and 1 loss. However my final round opponent, Harry, got the better of me - he got his best cards out quicker in games 2 and 3 after i won the first, knocking me back to 7th place overall with a 4-2 record. I couldn't be annoyed about it though, as the games were great and he looked incredibly pleased to have gone 5-1 - well in dude!

Then in the next event, starting around 5pm after i finally managed to eat something, i opened a load of rubbish basically, built the best deck i could given the mediocre parts i had, and did a RedShirt (0-2 drop). This was followed by a draft, which i was knocked out of round 1 by Russ '#4 in the UK' Davies, with his second win over me in a day - i hate it when i get paired against him! My deck was actually good this time around as well! Ahh well.

I then proceeded to attempt to film the final draft game between Paul and Stuart S, using my video camera, a semi-fisheye lens, and a mini tripod perched on top of a couple of boxes. (videos linked below as they finish rendering and uploading). I think they turned out okay for a first effort: they're basically unedited, there's a fair bit of conversation in the background, and the camera angle could definitely be better in future, but a good start nonetheless. Look out for some more (hopefully better!) Magic (and other) videos from me in the future.

Game 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RgKuAI7AsNI

Game 2, part 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cg10JIlR858

Game 2, part 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3R-re6RKOs

Just some life news (04)

2009-01-25T21:28:00.005Z

I'll tell you right now, i'm feeling much better about job hunting and things in general this week. After a Christmas break of a week and a half or so wherein i mostly just got drunk, it was kinda hard and demoralising having to get back in the swing of things. That being said though, i got this awesome and very encouraging book, which (and i don't care if this sounds silly, it worked, so who cares!) had me do a load of exercises and fill in loads of stuff, workbook style, to find out what i really liked doing most, what sorts of values are important to me, what i am aiming for in life generally, that sort of thing. Basically, after taking a couple days off to do this, i came to many conclusions, and was a lot more sure about things, but most important of all these was that i should listen more to myself, and less to others. Not in any kind of ungrateful way or anything, but... oh it makes sense to me!

So yea, feeling a lot more positive and enthused about this now. Got an application to send off tomorrow morning, fingers crossed! And if not that one then... the next one! Or the one after that! Or... can you guess where i'm going with this? I'm also much happier about the idea of moving away from this area now, i think a change of scenery would do a lot of good. There is so much world out there, and i have seen so little of it!

On a different track now, had a great weekend just gone. Friday was nearly a non-event, but still managed town for some Hob action. Saturday was even better though - met up with the Hob gang, went for some Nando's, then got a bus to a tiny little village in the middle of nowhere for Amanda's 23rd party. Despite only knowing each other pretty much, we managed to plow through into an awesome evening. Bets involving seeing who will hold each others hand the longest (i win!), making fun of Andrea's freakishly large hands, Turner spilling ever single pint on himself, and talking to random cool people you've not met before will do that i guess? However there was one small moment of suck, when a guy i sort of knew from ages ago, in the middle of trying to initiate a short friendly catch-up conversation, told me: "i'm bored of talking to you now. bye bye!". What a dick.

I'm sure next weekend will be even better though, as i am going back to London Friday night and for Saturday day, which i am GREATLY looking forward to! :D And then Sunday it's geek time - the MK Conflux pre-release, where i shall be taking photos for the club website, trying to win at sealed for once, and making notes about the whole thing such that i can write a report for te Twincast competition and try and win a £50 From The Vault box set. The Ebay money from that would go down a treat right now, i'll tell ya that much!

Umm... i guess that'll do for now, nothing greatly exciting to tell this week, but hey ho. Also, advance notice that next week's update will be Monday and not the usual Sunday slot.

EDIT: Forgot to add in - earlier this evening on my way back from the shops, some bloke in a Mini decided he'd rather not let me wait til the road was clear at a junction, and ran into the back of my car. What a muppet. Everything looks okay though, but will check in the light tomorrow morning...

On charity (03)

2009-01-19T13:20:00.005Z

Let's start today with a quick thank you to everyone who has downloaded my novel, and read some amount of it, and let me know this. I don't know whether some number of you don't want to say anything bad for whatever reason (please don't feel you can't say if you don't like it/think i suck, i'll appreciate and respect your honesty if you word it constructively!), but thus far all feedback has been either fairly neutral or quite positive, which surprises and greatly pleases me.

Again i'm writing this a day late, as i was just too tired to do anything of any use yesterday - i spent the whole weekend from Friday lunchtime to Sunday afternoon down in London you see. Caught up with a friend (Tim) i've not seen in ages and hit up Camden for a night out. I'd planned on attending a Magic event the next morning and then heading home for a night out in Bedford, but plans changed as things got a whole lot more awesome than i expected and i ended up making a weekend of it with some new friends i made. Not much more to say there really. Except (and this feels awkward to write and is probably cringeworthy reading, but here goes anyway) i am very thankful for having met some more people who just straight up take me as i am. Not that my good friends back home don't, this is not a slur on them or anything, but in the last couple weeks i've had some people literally tell me to give up on what i really want to do (which pissed me off no end), so having people i have known for literally hours take an interest in my hopes and dreams, and say the writing is worth pursuing, really cheered me up after that. + "Oh hi! I like your face." :)

On Charity:

It was by chance, a little before Christmas, that i came across something awesome and charity-related, that actually genuinely excited me for a change. While i am far from being of the "screw everyone else, let them suffer" mentality when it comes to giving money to "good causes", in the past i have found charity to be something of a boring and unrewarding thing - you see and ad on tv saying x needs money to improve y, you can then give some, and well, that's it. Some obnoxious percentage of your donation is eaten up in bureaucracy within the huge organisation, and then you don't get to see what difference you have made. Of course, i'm not suggesting charity is a bad idea, far from it, but if you don't get to see your effort making a real change in the world, there is very little incentive to keep giving, other than alleviation of guilt at being in a more fortunate position yourself. That's no way for these things to work now, is it? That's kinda why i have enjoyed giving money to the homeless in the past, you skip all the middle-men and go straight to the needy.

Anyway, it was a bit before Christmas, and by chance on a message-board i frequent, i saw a topic about a scheme run in America called "Toys for Tots" (they have a website, it's ".org" and obvious, go look) that a user there wanted to organise a chapter of. The premise is simple - gather money, buy and give toys to poor kids. But the execution was the brilliant part - he was doing it all himself witha few friends, and anyone else who wanted to could join them as they bought, wrapped up,and distributed the toys. And in addition, they were going to take loads of photos and videos from the whole of their day and make these publically available. Despite it being far away from me in California, USA, i loved this idea as it actually got people involved and you could really see where your money was going, so i polished off the last of my paypal account balance in good faith to this guy, and waited to see the results. I wasn't disappointed, i can't link the photos, but some of the videos you can see on YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/user/ToysForTotsVideos

and

http://www.youtube.com/user/PFtheKitsune

Surely stuff like this is a better way to get people excited about charity than expensive tv ad campaigns and flyering, or hassling people in the street? It's 2009, we live in a time of viral videos on youtube and blogs and web 2.0 and loads of other techy terms i'm not sure of the exact meaning of, and charities seem to be living in the early 1990's still. I mean, who wouldn't be much more likely to give money to say... Cancer Research UK, if some scientist dude there made videos of him doing cool stuff in the lab he works in? Or to WaterAid if there was a blog some students volunteering with them made of their travels installing wells and stuff?

Maybe i need to write some letters...

Some New Year's Resolutions (01)

2009-01-05T23:26:00.003Z

(I was supposed to write this yesterday but i am a bad man and forgot, or something along those lines.)

Happy New Year everyone anyway, i hope you enjoyed it's arrival more than i did (stuck at home in my room feeling shit), and may it bring you lots of good stuff, etc... I won't dither today, and will get straight on with what i guess is an official and public listing of my aims/objectives/resolutions for the year ahead:

- Read 12 books: I've had this is a NYR for the last couple of years since i got back into reading (and discovered my love of it, and writing) when i went off to uni, and it's served me very well. One a month is a bare minimum i am sure i will easily achieve.

- Complete NaNoWriMo again: Nothing i can do about this until November rolls around, but i sure do have to go for it full-force then! My 4th attempt at writing 50,000 word novel in a month (i'm 3 for 3 so far!*), and it'll (hopefully) be my second year at co-ordinating everything in the Bedford/MK area as a 'municipal liaison. I'm sure i'll be recruiting on here and in person nearer the time, watch out!

- Get rid of the rest of the crap in my room: I know this sounds sort of lame, but despite numerous eBay blitzes and giving some things away, i still have things i no longer need or want any more. Mainly books now, but some cds and other things too.

- See Nine Inch Nals + Butch Walker: If either/both comes to the UK at all this year, that is. My two favourite bands/artists ever, and whenever i have seen them before i have been utterly blown away. If they come anywhere near this country, i will do everything i can to attend as many of their gigs as possible!

- Update this site once a week: Okay, my aim is 50 updates/year minimum. Hence the numbering of this entry and those from now on. Ideally, it'll be on the same day each week too - Sunday's i'm thinking. If you notice i haven't updated in a while, please send me an abusive email telling me to get on with it!

- Magic stuff: I'm still considering starting a separate Magic blog, but i think in the light of the upcoming 50% price hike in my favourite geek hobby, that will require some more consideration before committing to any large undertaking. However, i still have a few small goals: 1- top8 in County Championships again, as i have done 2007 and 2008, 2- up my rating to a more repectable number, as the people i play with keep telling me it should be higher... let's aim for 1700? 3 - Qualify for Nationals. Yea, this is the big one, wish me luck...

- Get a Job.

- Move out.

Those last 2 don't require much explanation. I've finished uni, my real life needs to begin. Here's to taking some baby steps...

* = Does anyone want to read my exceptionally rough and ready novel from 2008, "The Sunny Side Of The Apocalypse"? If so, let me know and i will make some author's notes to precede it and then send it to you. :)

Last post of 2008 - some reviews and waffle

2008-12-31T17:00:00.012Z

I've done it again. Not updated in longer than i should have done. Whoops. Well, i feel i have a vaguely good excuse, in that there was not only the Christmas holidays, but it was a time of absolute freedom for me, as the rest of my family very kindly went to another continent and left me with the house to myself. It only took a whole day to clear up the mess at the end also!

Just a quick little sad note: Sometimes you have to let go of people. This has happened to me a couple of times recently, where as much as you really care about someone, they're going down a path you can't follow them on, and you can't stop them. In one case i might be over-reacting and causing unnecessary drama, i don't honestly know, in another it's sad, but they won't have it any other way. All i can say is that i'll miss you, and wish you didn't have to go. Come back anytime. This is hardly the perfect place or way to say it, but it might be the only chance i get. :(

On to the actual content that will mean something at all to readers, here's a whole load of reviews of some things i have digested recently (and i hope to do much more reviewing of things, in better detail and with more thought, 2009 and on) and random thoughts on stuff. This is going to be messy and quick, and i apologise in advance. Hopefully when i lay out some of my plans for this (and other projects) in a few days time i will have found a healthy dose of clarity.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button - Good film, but too long to see at the cinema i feel, at almost 3 hours. It's the kind of film that you really wish they still did a 15 minute intermission for (well, i am choosing to believe this used to happen, regardless of whether this is the case), as being a quite slow film where nothing that massive happens, a break in it near halfway wouldn't do any harm to the viewing experience. It does go downhill a touch toward at the end though, i much prefered him as a child in the body of an old man than the reverse.

Choke - I was a little hesitant about this one, as it is not the most obvious (to me, anyway) of Chuck Palahniuk's books to be adapted for the screen - a tale of a sex-addict who feigns choking in restaurants in order to get pity money from strangers, to pay for his mothers mounting medical expenses. That being said though, it didn't disappoint, particularly as i had forgotten one of the main twists in the book, which came out superbly well. It's a little lighter and more funny than i had hoped, but that's probably for the best, not everyone likes things kept dark.

Transporter 3 - IT HAS JASON STATHAM IN IT. TURN OFF YOUR BRAIN AND JUST ENJOY THE RIDICULOUS ACTION, KAY? - Well, at least this dumb action flick, (much like Crank) knows it is a bit silly and void of any real plot, and just glosses over this with lots of fighting, car chases and a bit of self-awareness (no subtitles when someone speaks French for 30 seconds? That's because it knows this is filler and doesn't care whether it means anything to you)

Religulous - 'The only reasonable view for an intelligent person to take, on the subject of religion, is that of doubt' - Certainly a statement i can get behind. This documentary explores some of the utterly ridiculous beliefs people hold as a result of various world religions, and the danger these pose to the modern world: 'Religion must die, for mankind to live'. Should be required viewing in schools, as a counterpoint to all children are forced to learn about which is in support of religion.

The Wrestler - The best film i've seen this year, this is the anti-Rocky. 20 years after the end of his professional wrestling career, Randy "The Ram" Robinson is still making a go of it at the weekends in gym halls for audiences barely in the hundreds, trying to keep the dream alive. But after a heart attack, he is forced to quit for good, and instead forges a relationship with an aging stripper and tries to re-connect with the daughter he walked out on years ago, all the while facing the temptation of one last time in the ring, the one that could kill him. Deeply sad throughout, and brilliantly acted all round, i would be surprised and disappointed if the film, and Mickey Rourke in the lead role, didn't get nominated for and win a number of major awards (already: 3 Golden Glove nominations).

I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell -I've only read the (leaked, possibly not final) script of this one, which is based on 'professional asshole' Tucker Max's best-selling book of the same name. Adapting a book of short stories into a coherent feature-length film was always going to be a difficult task to pull off, and while some of the script is a little lacking (or just not what i would want, having read the book 3 times through), with some cheesey lines, and a somewhat obvious semi-open ending, i think that it could really have a lot of potential to be one of the best comedies of 2009 when it is eventually released, it flows well, and has some great lines, even if the main character seems without flaws. Clearly this is the case, based on audience recommend rates from very early test screenings, of 80% and above. I look forward to this, but not the endless repetition of it's lines in bars after it's release, and the inevitable copy-cat 'fratire' films that will follow it. A real blessing/curse scenario, this!

Guns N Roses - Chinese Democracy - After the wait they've put us through since the last release, there wasno way anythign they could possibly put out would live up to that kind of hype. Most people seem to have liked this though, but to me it just isn't the same band anymore, it's more 'Axl Rose + a backing band' than the GnR you may already be familiar/have grown up with. Some of the songs are great, some are pretty dire, the whole album is probably 2/3 songs too long, and a couple of the guitar solos are dreadfully annoying. But i still keep listening to it.

Fall Out Boy - Folie A Deux - If you've heard of the band before, you don't have to listen to this for a second to already know whether you will love it, think it's pretty okay, or despise it. It really is that simple. Being said, this is certainly better than their last effort for me, especially the incredibly catchy 'I Don't Care'., one of a number of songs you'll either be happily murmuring, or desperately trying to get out of your head in months to come.

Kanye West - 808's And Heartbreak - Ignoring my dislike for this most arrogant of men as a person, i decided to give this album a spin, as apparently it's not like his previous discs, being more pop-rock than hip-hop. And that it was. In fact, this is very much like taking yourself back to the mid 90's and listening to Savage Garden, only with over-use of auto-tune taking the place of genuine vocal talent. Apparently that's the 'in thing' in music these days, but i say it can stay only used sparingly in dance music where it doesn't sound so hopelessly out of place. Surprisingly considering these comments though, i don't hate the album at all, it's really rather listenable, save the final track which DESPERATELY needs to be cut out. The heartbeat motif on the opener is a subtle touch, and 'Paranoid' in particular is very hooky.

The Qemists - More a group to look out for in 2009 than a review of any kind, these guys are one of my hot tips for the year to come - rock/dnb they are. Get tickets to see these as soon as you can and out-indie-hipster-cred your mates for months. Thenext Pendulum, i'd bet money on it. In fact, if anyone wants to take me up on that, suggest some terms and i'll lay you a pint or two. In the mean time, check out 'Lost Weekend', their recent single featuring guest vocals from Mike 'everything i touch turns to gold' Patton of Faith No More/Mr Bungle fame.

Right, that'll do for now. I suppose you want some kind of summary or someting? Well, 2008 has been a funny year for me here lotsof ups and downs, triumphs and disappointments. Here's hoping 2009 is more of the former than the latter. Oh, and if you think that sounds cliched as hell and just like anyone else in the world's year, i'll tell you in equisite detail every single detail and bore you to death/shut you up right smart, ya hear!

Here's hoping i can shake off this cold and delightful headache in the next 2 hours and make it out to the pub...

Oh, and look out in a few days for the vaguest of foggy ideas of what i might be doing in 2009. Maybe even some New Years Resolutions to totally not keep! :P

Brief update + I am not a sex-line.

2008-12-07T20:26:00.003Z

Apologies for not doing anything on here sooner. Been a bit off writing in the week and a bit post-Nano. Too much of a good thing and all that... But now, here's what i've been up to:

Resigned to the fact that i will now probably not get a job until January next year at the earliest. While i am getting a few odd bits and pieces to do for various people along the way (this week i have mainly been doing: spreadsheets!) there is zero sign of anything permanent at present. The vast majority of places i've inquired into have not even been polite enough to give me any form of response, and the few days i spent looking into various grad schemes was more depressing than i can even begin to describe. Plus, while it's nice to know that some people are looking out for me and trying to help in this respect, after a while all it does is make you feel pathetic and shitty. I'm sorry if you think i'm being an ungrateful bastard by saying that. Can't help the truth.

Been flirting with the idea of starting up a magazine for misanthropes. Could call it 'Disgust', which has a sort-of neat double-meaning, in a way. That being said, i have no idea if there is any market for it (i imagine not, seeing as the average person these days has an IQ of 60 and only wants to spend money on DVDs and various face creams), and i imagine it'd be banned for being 'hatespeech', in Britain. Also, it's probably quite expensive to start up a magazine, i should expect.

Just looking forward to Christmas and some downtime now. I get the place to myself for just over a week, which i always love. Planning to just have a few friends round, get some drinks, Rock Band, and Magic in, nothing too taxing or extravagant. I just like the simple things, really.

You probably want something to laugh at now, right? Here ya go...

I am not a sex-line

Okay, so i went out on Friday night with Ryan, Mogs, and Jamie, who i hadn't seen in ages an has just got back from seven weeks in Australia. Good time had by all, nothing to report there.

Got home about 12.30, went straight to bed. Heard phone ring just as i was dropping off to sleep about 1am, ignored it.

Get up the following morning, and see i have an answerphone message. I hold down the 1 key on my phone to listen to it, and it is...

appalling.

That's pretty much the best one-word description i can give it. After just a few seconds, once i realise what it is, i rip the phone away from my ear, mash the 3 key to delete it, and throw my phone to the other side of the room. Why?

It was a man. Masturbating. Down the phone. At me.

You are probably wondering how i can ascertain this from just an answerphone message. Well, let me just say that whomever it was was being rather... vocal about it.

Yea. Eww.

Worst still is that after checking, it was a call from a withheld number, so i can't even call this sick wanker back and tell him what i think of his message with a series of four-letter words.

However, i did call up my phone company and ask them to put a note on my account and that particular call, such that if it does happen again, i can get the NCB to trace it for a police investigation. That's right, i did my homework and found out just how far i can go with it if i want to. So don't do it again, if that was you.

Thi being said though, after the 'creepy, gross, eww!' feelings die down, it was sort-of funny. It certainly made Nic's day when i told him about this bizaare incident.

Right then, that's enough for now, but before i go, a quick question - which of the following would you most like to see me write about next? I've got a few ideas and don't know which to go for first, you see:

- Something Magic-related.

- Something music-related.

- Something else, that is more likely to be amusing than the first two.

May your Christmas shopping be only minimally hellish...

Dan :)

Something i hate, and something i love

2008-11-13T22:11:00.004Z

Just another quick update, busy writing covering letters, finding new places to send the aforementioned + CV off to, and oh, uh... writing a novel in a month (see very end). Content now:

Something i hate

My #1 biggest annoyance in the world right now, only became apparent to me after the clocks changed a few weeks ago. It started being dark about the same time as i'd be driving my car, to pick up my little brother from school, and such. At this point, something i had completely forgotten about since last winter came flooding back to me:

I hate those blue-tinged Xenon car headlights, SO MUCH.

Seriously. Pretty much any time there is a car within, let's say... a mile behind me, if they have those, i can't see for shit. I'm just driving along, minding my own business, an then all of a sudden it's like there's a floodlight being rammed in face. Most of the time, these are actually worse than someone with regular headlights on full beam behind you. I'm sure they must cause accidents, in fact, i'm very surprised our safety-conscious government hasn't banned them already.

But then of course, that simply can't happen, because that's exactly what i want. *sigh*

Something i love

I was going to attempt to review this album objectively, but i've just had to come to terms with the fact that i really can't. I'm far too biased. I think Butch Walker is a fantastic songwriter, one of the best of our generation (going on his solo material, not the stuff he writes/produces for other artists/bands just for the cold hard cash), and so of course, i absolutely love his latest album, 'Sycamore Meadows'. To be fair, it is a fantastic record. Here's why:

While his previous effort, 'The Rise and Fall...' had certainly moved a long way further on from his pop-rock roots in Marvelous 3 and his first two solo albums, this one is more mature still, the songs being for the most part fairly simple, but perfectly formed. While they range in style from chirpy and upbeat to slower, sadder songs, all rely on Butch's strong talent for writing, and then performing, perfectly-formed lyrics. Most tend to reflect on his life story thus far, with frequent mentions of his year of birth, hometown, and so on.

Most noteworthy on this album is his ability to, as all good songwriters (and writers generally) can, make accurate and brief observations about the people, places, and lifestyles of today, in such a poetic form. It's a hallmark of what literary critics call 'The American Novel', and here Butch manages it in song form. I can only hope that in future he is recognised alongside other great songwriters of the past, rather than far below them, as just 'that guy that wrote some Avril Lavigne and Bowling For Soup songs but also had a few solo cds'.

I won't go into a song-by-song breakdown, but a few highlights, for me, were the following:

- The devastingly twee mandolin intro to 'Going Back / Going Home'

- The "fun-ness" of the hangover lyrics at the start of 'Ponce de Leon Ave.' going into a cute little love song. And it has cowbell too!

- How powerful 'Ships in a Bottle' is when you watch the video - depicting Butch standing in the remains of his house that burnt down, along with everything he ever owned. :(

- More fun, in the sing along 'la la la' parts on 'The 3 Kids in Brooklyn'. And he even manages to sneak in a snippet of the old mobile phone SMS alert in there (3:31) on Mandolin (i think it is)!

- How sad and moving the closing track, 'ATL', about returning to his hometown is.

It's a great cd, i promise you. Check it out!

Note: You can stream the album, free, here: Butch Walker - 'Sycamore Meadows'

Nano update

Over halfway now. Widgets on the Nano site are working again now, so the following image should be live and telling you where i am at this very second:

Nano, and a quick film review

2008-11-06T23:01:00.003Z

Just a few quick updates for now, i've got my time taken up on the writing front by something else at the moment (will explain in a second), so this blog may be a little quieter than usual (the new usual) - that is, if you enjoy checking back here often to read my "uninteresting bullshit" (got that quote in an anonymous email, thanks!)

NaNoWriMo

Every November, lots of totally crazy people decide that 'actually, writing an entire 50,000 word novel in just 30 days in addition to all my other commitments seems like a really good idea'.

I am one of those people.

It's called National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo, or just Nano for short), it's absolutely fantastic and brilliant fun, i completed it successfully in 2006 and 2007, and i'm giving it another bash this year. But not just as a participant... This year i have been chosen by those at HQ to act as a 'Municipal Liaison' - a fancy title which basically means i organise events for all those taking part in my area (about 60, according to the website) and generally encourage them all along to get as many of us over the 50k mark as possible.

Day 7, and i'm at 15,002 words. Will i get to 50k on time for the third year running? Will i get there at all? You can keep a tabs on my progress by clicking on the image below:

2-minute review: 'Burn After Reading'

The latest film from the Coen brothers, their past films being well known and crtitically-acclaimed, but somewhat hit-and-miss, at least for me. 'The Big Lebowski' was amazing and is one of my favourite films ever, but then 'Miller's Crossing' was underwhelming (perhaps in part due to me hearing too many good things about it before watching it), and the others i have seen are a similar mix.

While being far from not worth watching, this latest star-studded effort certainly belongs on the 'Miller's Crossing' side of the fence, for me. John Malkovich is compelling, George Clooney is pretty much what he is in every film ever, but you can't complain about that, and Brad Pitt provides the few laughs of the film as a dim-witted gym instructor. That being said though, it's no a comedy. But neither is it a drama, or anything else. It lies in the awkward middle-ground between the two genres, and you can't help but feel it'd be a lot better if i had just picked one of the two and stuck to it.

It's not that the film is bad, far from it, but it certainly seems confused. And so was i. Not by the plot, which was linear enough, but just as to what exactly i was supposed to be taking from it. Perhaps i was trying to read too much into it, i don't know, but i left feeling just a bit perplexed and disappointed. (If you like numbers, it'd probably by a 6 or maybe a 7 out of 10)

That's it for now i'm afraid, but i'll leave you with a question (leave me an answer in a comment if you please) - having a fair bit of time on my hands right now, i fancy learning something(s) new (preferably inexpensive and can be done from home) - what do you suggest i try my hand at, and why?

Catch you soon,

Dan :)

3 things i've pretended to like, for the benefit of other people

2008-11-03T14:18:00.003Z

You must already know exactly the kind of thing i'm going to talk about from the title of this article. In fact, i bet you are thinking of an example of your own right now. I'm sure you know the kind of thing i mean here - those things that someone, or some people around you have a real passion for, that you really wished you would like as it would make everything so much easier, but frankly, you just don't get, and cannot stand. Those things you actually pretty much just straight-up hate, but pretend to like anyway, because it is so important to someone else that you like that thing too... Here are three of mine:

'Irish' Bands - Or more specifically, 'Irish' punk bands. For as much as i really dislik2 U2, i can't fault them for the same reasons i can attack say... Flogging Molly, Dropkick Murphys, and so on. Musically, they're pretty good and enjoyable. But lyrically...? Terrible. Why? Because all these bands ever write songs about i being Irish, how Irish they are, things Irish people do/have done, how Ireland and being Irish is so fucking great, and so on.

Seriously. If it's not about a night out on the tiles in Dublin, it's about working in the shipyards in Belfast, missing Ireland while abroad, the Potato Famine, drinking to much Guinness and getting the runs, etc... And on the historically-based songs front, none of the people in these bands (or you or i) are old enough to have experienced any of this situations anyway - it's all just fourth or fifth-hand, based on soem reading of Wikipedia articles or something. It all ends up sounding so cheap, a caricature of a caricature, selling some mythical perfect version of Ireland and being Irish that simply does not exist. Much like the modern St. Patrick's day tradition.

But of course, any sucker who has as much as a half-Irish grandmother gets their pants in a twist over such bands, and any other opportunity to 'take pride in their Irish heritage'.

Films starring Will Ferrel and/or Steve Carrell - Bugger me. How repetitive and tedious are these. Every single one is just a rehash of the Anchorman formula, only not as funny. Sure, it was pretty amusing he first time, but not on the fourth outing. And as much as fans of these guys might argue to the contrary, these are all exactly the same. For example, there are a few lines in every film, that are near carbon-copies:

Steve Carrell: "I'M SHOUTING THIS AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS, YOU SHOULD LAUGH NOW!"

Plus these improvised 'insulting' bits from Will Ferrel, that i can do just as well as he can off the top of my head right now. How's about...

"Jesus H. Christ! Your face! ARRRGGHHH! It's so... UGLY! Your face, it's so ugly it makes me want to burn out my eyes with a curling iron!"

Etc...

The Mighty Boosh - As a general comment to the kind of people who watch this hipster trash: being 'random' does not equate with being 'funny'. This is to comedy what putting a frog in a blender is to dissection. And yet for some reason it's really, really popular. I just do not understand why. Plus, women think that guy with the messy bees-nest hair that looks like an ugly girl is attractive? What the hell is wrong with you?

However, the worst part of this tv series is no the series itself, it's the hardcore fans, who simply cannot accept any criticism of their beloved 'cult' show. Instead, they respond with my current pet peeve phrase: 'you just don't get it' No, i beg to differ. I do get it, completely. You are a moron.

So, there's three of mine. I'm sure i can think of three (or more!) others at some point in the future, if you want.

In the mean time... what are some things you have pretended to like for someone else's benefit? Post a comment and let us know?

Dan :)

A few little things

2008-10-20T16:48:00.006Z

Magic article up on Twincast:

After Kev asked for a volunteer, i recently wrote a tournament report for the Milton Keynes Magic players club (playing Cruel-Toast at FNM to a 2-1-1 result, 7th/23), and this has now been posted on MTGTwincast as well - so if you're a Magic player, this ma be of interest to you. If you have no idea what i'm talking about, skip this!

You can read my tournament report article over at: MTGTwincast

2 movies i actually want to see this year:

I usually really don't enjoy the experience of going to the cinema, and just wait for things to arrive on dvd: It's stupidly over-priced, from the tickets to the food and drink, and more often than not in the past i've had the experience totally ruined by people talking through it, throwing things around the cinema (i once got hit in the face with a lemon. A LEMON! WHO BRINGS LEMONS INTO A CINEMA?!?!?), kids in a 15-rated film, and so on and so forth.

Still, a couple of times a year, a film comes out which actually justifies the expense and potential risks. So far this year there has been just one; 'The Dark Knight'. Here are a couple more i really wanna see on the big-screen:

'007: Quantum of Solace' - After 'Goldeneye', the Pierce Brosnan Bond's were... terrible, mainly due to completely unbelievable plots and gadgets. But the last one, with Daniel Craig, was a lot darker, completely believable (we'll pretend for a minute the parkour scenes don't exist) and i loved it. Mainly because seeing Bond as a bit of a dick is much nicer than Brosnan's sickly-sweet pussy-spy. Despite the theme tune sucking (then again, i must be the only man in Britain to not like a single Bond theme) i'm sure it won't disappoint. Trailer

'Repo! The Genetic Opera' - After a really obvious choice, comes my wildcard pick, a film that (thanks to the people at Lionsgate having no clue whatsoever) might not even be released in the UK, and will probably remain mostly unknown and unrecognised. Especially as there's a major-studio rip-off of it coming out not long after starring Jude Law. Man i hate Jude Law.

Anyways, this one scares me, as it might be the first time i like a musical.' Sweeney Todd' was... okay, i guess, but despite being a Tim Burton flick, still managed to be kinda cute and sweet. Eww. Still, after seeing the trailer and a couple of short scenes, i gambled and bought the soundtrack online, and was blown away - it's freaking fantastic! Heavy, pounding industrial tunes for the most part (i'm sure Nivek Ogre of Skinny Puppy starring in it helps a lot in this respect) with a really weird cast (Ogre, Giles from Buffy, some girl from kids movies, a classical soprano singer, and Paris Hilton?!) that fit into the twisted plot of a dystopian future where organ failure is rife, and those who don't keep up on their payments for replacements have themselves "repossessed". By being pretty much the opposite of every musical before, it's exactly what i want*.

Trailer

Scene - 'Zydrate Anatomy'

(* = well, what i really wanted was the rumoured 'Fight Club' musical with Trent Reznor penning the tunes. But i probably would have died of too much awesome if that came to fruition.)

Censored by Telegraph.co.uk:

After my last post, on the Man Booker Prize, i thought i might as well link it as a comment on the website of the Telegraph, the paper that published the extract.

It got deleted about 2 hours later. Apparently newspapers don't believe in free speech. LOL.

How to win the Man Booker prize

2008-10-15T18:21:00.004Z

Having read, on average, two books a month for the last 18 months or so, i like to think i have *some* idea of what makes a good book, and a reasonable knowledge of authors and writing.

So, when i saw that the newspaper today included a sample chapter from this years Booker prize winning novel, following the awards ceremony last night , i picked it up off the kitchen bench for a change, to have a look.

On page 29, i was greeted by a large close-up photo of the winning author, wearing an expression that could only be described as "smug as hell". I read the description of his debut novel, and my immediate thought was: "Oh. It's gonna be one of those books." Sure enough, after reading the opening chapter, i knew it was one of those books.

What do i mean by this use of italics? - A novel which checks all the tickboxes required to win a major literary prize, at the expense of being interesting, enjoyable, even readable. The chapter i just read, was to be honest a struggle to get through - there was nothing to 'hook' me in and engross me as the reader, and the checking of literary judges checkboxes was blatant and embarrassing.

To make this worse still, looking back on the last 10 years of Booker prize winners, i noticed a lot of reccurring themes. And so i can now present to you, a 100% guarranteed guide to winning the 2009 Booker prize, in 5 easy steps.

1 - Be Indian or Irish. Australian or Canadian may also cut it, but if you're from the UK, you're out of luck.

2 - Have a first or last name that begins with the letter 'A'.

3 - Have a novel titled 'The....'

4 - Your book must almost certainly be 300 pages long, plus/minus 20 pages.

5 - CONTENT: Check as many of the following boxes as possible

Religion
Race
Homosexuality
Suicide
Violence
Politics
Death of others
'Class'
A place and time combination anything other than Britain in 2008
Anything else controversial (school shootings, pedophilia)

Don't believe me? Here's a description of Alan Hollinghurst's 'The Line of Beauty' (300 pages exactly!), 2004 winner, for just one example.

Set in the United Kingdom in the early to mid-1980s, the story surrounds the post-Oxford life of the protagonist, Nick Guest.

As the novel begins, Nick moves into the household of the Fedden family, comprising his friend, crush, and fellow Oxford graduate Toby; Toby's eccentric sister Catherine; their wealthy and aristocratic mother, Rachel; and their Thatcher-obsessed father, Gerald, a newly-elected MP for the Conservative Party. Nick has his first romance with a black council worker, Leo, but a later relationship with Wani, the son of a rich Lebanese businessman, illuminates the ruthlessness of 1980s Thatcherite Britain.

The book explores the tension between Nick's intimate relationship with the Feddens, in whose parties and holidays he participates, and the realities of his sexuality and gay life, which the Feddens accept only to the extent of never mentioning it. It explores themes of hypocrisy, homosexuality, madness and wealth, with the emerging AIDS crisis forming a backdrop to the book's conclusion.

And if you want a starting point for your 2009 Booker Prize winning novel, here's a example plot that would surely make the shortlist, which i came up with in about 30 seconds:

'The Forbidden Behaviours' (289 pages):

Alex, a 20-something gay atheist social worker at a local YMCA shelter, falls in love with a 15 year old Muslim runaway, following the suicide of his mother, in this work on the overpowering nature of love, set against the backdrop of a credit crunch under a Labour government in Northern England.

If i didn't have any principles and a love for genuinely entertaining writing, that £50,000 prize would be IN THE BAG.

Television is dead.

2008-10-13T18:46:00.005Z

Seriously.

As those of you who know may have probably heard a few too many times already - i don't watch television. It started off as a conscious decision at university, to not get a tv licence, in order to save money - and if i really wanted to watch something, to see it on dvd/online. It was one of the best things i've ever done, getting rid of such an easy distraction from the more important things i could be doing (like work, or going out).

Life improved, as i spent more leisure time reading, seeing friends, and so on. As time has passed since then, i've carried on watching a few shows, but the number of these has been on the decline. Today it hit one.

That's right - there is only one tv show worth watching any more. I used to watch 5 or 6 shows (about 4 hours worth) a week, but they've fallen off over time - House got tired and predictable, Prison Break series 4 is straight-up terrible, Dexter series 3 failed to hook me back again... and we are left with just 23 minutes a week:

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

Save the occasional documentary on BBC/Channel 4, this is the only thing i will be watching from now on. I won't go for a lengthy description, i'll just say this - It's actually funny in a time when no other comedy show provides laughs anymore.

If you've never given it a go before, try going without tv for a week - you can always record shows to catch up on later. It's a very freeing experience, and gives you so much more time to do things that are actually enjoyable, rather than just a time-killer. Trust me, you won't regret it - it'll make you this happy:

Decluttering.

2008-10-06T13:44:00.006Z

I read a really good book yesterday afternoon/evening. As in, the whole thing in one go, only breaking for food/drink/toilet - something i've not done in a while. Now would be a good time to tell you what the book was, right?

'Bonfire of the Brands', by Neil Boorman.

And now a summary is required, to save you having to go look it up yourself: It's a nhon-fiction, diary-based account of how the author came to realise he was addicted to brands and buying things, but that these tings gave him none of the happiness modern advertising offers. He then does some research into the psychology behind marketing, advertising, and brands, and sees he has been sold to since birth a false ideal that everything will be better if he consumes more, when in reality studies show this is leading to widespread debt, disappointment, and depression of th general public. So he resolves to rid himself of brands forever, culminating in a massive bonfire of over £21,000 worth of branded goods in central London. And while adjusting to his brand-free life is difficult at first, months later he has not relapsed, and is still wearing £3 plain polo shirts over the £65 Lacoste/Hugo Boss ones he had in the past - the whole experience having made him a much happier and more fulfilled man.

Obviously, his actions were extreme, but the points he makes (supported by the work of many psychologists, and former Secretary of State for International Development Clare Short) are both shocking, and when you think about it for a time, completely obvious. Is it any wonder people are in so much financial trouble at the moment when they feel a need to own often unnecessary products, which are almost always vastly over-priced? It certainly made me look harshly at myself and those around me, and has further intensified my already strongly negative view of advertising. I identified many similar situations to those Neil described, in which i (or someone i knew) had an irrational desire for something i believed would

So how to act on this? I'm not going to go all anti-consumerist, shun brand-names completely, refuse to buy my food in supermarkets, live in a treehouse, etc. This "off the grid" style of living strikes me as unpractical and a little bit silly (fair play if you can manage it though!) But i did decide on a few things:

1 - I still own a whole load of things that i don't need, and are doing nothing to make my life better, despite a recent 'sort out' of my room. As such, i should not only rid myself of as much of this clutter as possible, but where possible find someone else who will get some use/happiness from it. I've already gotten rid of overhalf my dvd collection, have put a load of things for sale cheaply on ebay, have emailed my old school offering old textbooks for nothing, and coincidentally, i've been giving away spare Magic cards to newer players for a while already.

2 - In future, i can spend my money a lot better. Besides food and drink, my other main necessity is clothing, which i could definitely shop around more for, and buy less frequently. As for money spent on leisure items, the only things i can own that i actually get any long-term enjoyment out of buying are books, cds, and Magic cards. So why should i buy anything else, when i can save the money for experience-based fun (eg: holidays)

3 - There are several people close to me who i believe are much worse off than me in respect to accumulating things, and while it might appear to be preachy as hell and asshole-ish on my part, i should try to get them to read this book and at least think about what it is saying. I don't want to tell anyone what to do (though i'm sure it will look that way), but i think it could help them.

All in all, i highly recommend this book. I feel i've not done it justice in the slightest here, so even if you've thoroughly hated reading this, see if you can't pick it up for a flick through, as it's much better than anything i can say. Or why not go straight to the source, Neil Boorman's website:

Youtube video of Neil's statement, and the bonfire occuring

http://www.bonfireofthebrands.com/

If nothing else happens from this post, why not at least think through these questions and facts for a minute:

- Do world-famous celebrities really use at home hair dye products? (or whatever other things they appear in adverts for)
- Stores don't sell at a loss. If they're still making a profit during heavy sales, how much are they over-charging the rest of the year?
- Is a company really wanting to help improve your life? Or do they just want your money?

- Louis Vuitton and Puma manufacture their products in the same factory - 'quality' of a brand is frequently a lie.
- 'Competing' brands are often all owned by one company (eg: Ariel, Bold, Fairy, Daz = one company, Proctor & Gamble).

Many more like these in the book. Read it!

3 hours in Swindon town centre.

2008-09-26T16:05:00.003Z

Yesterday i left sunny Bedford and ventured way across the shires to the foreign land of Swindon. You're probably thinking "who in their right mind would do that?!" or "what's a Swindon?" - Basically my stepdad injured his foot and couldn't drive himself there, so i was coerced into doing it (he had a medical and a meeting re: his new job). Swindon is a town between Oxford and Bristol.

After dropping him off at the business park on the outskirts of town, i managed to fumble my way around the streets until i got to a car park in the centre of town. It certainly didn't smell as bad, and had a lot less broken glass on the floor than the ones back home. A promising start.

I walked out through the Brunel shopping centre into town proper, and i have to say Swindon reminds me a lot of Coventry - only less depressing, and the people don't look as aggressively Northern (probably because this is the West and not the North of England). I don't know what about the place makes me say this, the two just seem really similar. Maybe they were founded by the same bloke or something.

Anyway, i eventually found a Subway in which to stop for some lunch. I was served by an exceptionally camp Polish man who spoke terrible English, and gave me a footlong instead of the 6-inch sub i asked for, but i didn't say anything to save him getting into any trouble. I can be really nice like that. Also of note is that the sub seemed to have more meat than those i've had in Bedford - i think they're super stingy on the fillings here compared to the rest of the country.

After lunch, i wandered into CEX, to the bizarre sight of two of its employees dry-humping each other behind the counter. I didn't see anything worth buying, so left them to it. Then i went in the other direction, and found what must be the nightlife area of Swindon - and every other pub was a Wetherspoon's?! Also i passed probably the most hench policeman i've ever seen - his arms were literally causing a strain on his short sleeved shirt, which could barely contain such a gratuitous amount of bicep. If i was a Swindonite, i'd certainly be on my best behaviour when out if the rest of the coppers are like that.

I still had more time to kill, so found HMV, and played some games on the Xbox + PS3 in there. At one point i was joined by a lad of about 14, who thrashed me at a racing game:

Me: "Shouldn't you be in school?"

Lad: "Yea, so?"

Me: "Hmm. You're pretty good at this, huh?"

Lad: "Yea i was in here all day yesterday"

Fair enough.

I finished off with a wander into WH Smith to buy a magazine, and had a look at the plaid shirts in H+M. I love plaid shirts so much. Then managed to find my car in the car park again, picked Steve back up and drove home.

I think what i liked about Swindon best were the smells in its town centre. Not that they're nice or anything, just really different to those in Bedford. For reference, they are, in various places in each town:

Bedford: Grease, curry, cigarettes, urine.
Swindon: Baked beans, marshmallows, chlorine, faeces.

New name, website + follow me on Twitter

2008-09-22T19:15:00.003Z

If this isn't the first time you've been here then, you may have noticed i've changed the name of this page now. This is purely because i finally got round to getting myself a domain name and wanted some consistency with that. Also, i think it just plain sounds better than the rather sedate and unimaginative "Dan's Writing".

Where's it from/what does it mean?

Good question. It's the kind of thing that only a man-child such as myself could come up with in a drunken state, and that's exactly when i thought of it - i was discussing with friends what we'd change our names to if we ever did, and that's what i said. 'Danger' can kinda be shortened to 'Dan', and whenever someone asks me how i'm doing, i nearly always reply "I'm awesome!" - plus i could even have my middle name be (colon). Haha!

Then when i looked at it written down today, months later, i saw at least two other meanings it could have (left as an exercise for the reader*) saw the domain name was available and cheap, an snapped it right up. Thus, you can now most easily get to this page via:

www.dangerawesome.com

So what's going here now then?

Same as before - what i'm up to, rants and raves, and eventually i hope to put some more 'serious' writing on here also.

Follow me on Twitter

This is also new today. If you've not heard of it, Twitter is basically just the 'status' part of your regular social networking site. Plus i can change it from my phone via text message, and i've got it embedded on here and Myspace, and have it synched with my Facebook page. If you want to know what i'm up to at all times, this will now be the best way to do so. I am sure this site is going to pick up in popularity, so why not sign up no and be ahead of the curve? I'm here:

Dan on Twitter

click 'Follow Me' once you're signed up to get sent all my updates. Thanks!

Las Vegas - the things the guide books don't tell you!

2008-09-09T12:43:00.011Z

So i got back from my 10 day holiday in Las Vegas a week and a bit ago, and without going into too much detail - it was brilliant. There is so so much to do other than gambling on the tables or playing slots/video poker, which comes as a surprise to anyone who has only seen the Las Vegas of film and television (which to me at least, is largely exaggerated or just plain false). There's plenty of attractions to visit, sights to see, and an absolutely ridiculous amount of shops, if you have money to burn.

Now, i could just provide you with a big long list of what we did each day in laborious detail, but that might be a little bit dull to read. And likewise, most general comments i could make about places, would basically just leave you with the same impression as you would from reading one of the many guidebooks (such as those i had) on the city. So instead, let me tell you a couple little titbits of the things you won't read in any guide book - and if you want to know what we got up to - check out the album on my photobucket here , or for general information, i found the "Brits Guide to Las Vegas" a useful resource i would recommend to anyone else visiting there.

How to get 4 beers for a quid:
On the strip next to Harrah's (and opposite the Mirage) is Casino Royale, one of the smaller casinos. It seems pretty desperate to get people in there, offering a load of attractive offers, such as $1 bottles of beer or margaritas - so that's what, 2 for a quid? But, you can do better than that! Outside are a bank of 4/5 "determinator" free slots. Play one of these (it'll take you under a minute) and you can get a buy one get one free drink voucher. You can get another one of these (and a load of other coupons a few of which might be useful) by signing up for their players club (free, and takes maybe 2/3 minutes if there's no queue, which there shouldn't be). So now you have 2 bogof coupons = 4 beers for a quid! (well, 2 dollars, same thing... ish)

The 2 "must-see" sights that really aren't worth your time:
I don't know about you, but when i see something described in a guide book or similar as a "must see" attraction, i tend to believe the author of said book that it is indeed probably worth checking out - i mean, they're paid to do a good job writing these, right? However, you always come across one or two lemons by overly trusting the guides, and here were those from Vegas:

1 - The pirate show outside Treasure Island. The fact that some people actually start waiting for this up to 40 minutes before the 15-minute show starts is just depressing. It basically consists of out-of-work strippers and Chippendales prancing around in their underwear, under the vague pretext of a battle between the "Sirens" and the pirates, while the audience watches from a cramped space at the side of a main road. There's a couple of songs, which are just poor, and a small amount of special effects, but for a public who has seen the "Pirates of the Caribbean" movies and likely been to a theme park with proper shows and attractions (Disney/Universal), this can only disappoint - it would, and has, been done a million times better elsewhere already. The fact that i had a 4-foot-nothing Mexican woman with an accent thicker than her mustache jabbing me in the back throughout the show did not add to my enjoyment.

2 - Fremont Street. A lot of people who had been to Vegas already told us that the "Old" part of the town was really worth seeing for a chance to see how things started and were before the mega-casino resorts on the Strip today came along. I respectfully disagree - some things should just stay in the past, and be forgotten. The tables might have lower limits, and the drinks might be cheaper, but the whole place is dire, and dying. It goes far beyond the "cheap but cheerful", and into the realm of "cheap and nasty", with homeless and crazies shouting at the sky/each other/security, and everywhere just exudes a desperation, they NEED your business to still be there this time next year. The nightly light show might be fantastic (search 'Fremont Street Experience' on YouTube), but it simply isn't enough to warrant spending any time here, or the $25 round-trip cab fares from the Northern end of the strip (apparently there's a CAT bus from the Sahara, but good luck finding and catching that!)

Better late... - Meeting Chuck Palahniuk

2008-08-17T17:40:00.010Z

Damn it, i've done it again - said i was going to update soon, and then taken longer than i am sure anyone expected... It's something of a regular occurrence with me, but you can rest assured that i will always get round to it, eventually.

Chuck Palahniuk:

For those of you that haven't heard me go off on a long-winded monologue about him yet, let me explain this very briefly - Chuck Palahniuk is far and away my favourite author/writer, and has been for 4 or 5 years. If you're not familiar, he writes in a minimalist style, in a genre called Transgressional Fiction which encompasses pretty much all of my favourite books. Okay, so that may not have helped... He wrote 'Fight Club', i'm sure you've seen the film. I hate to introduce him like that, as that is all some people will see of his work, and especially as (while still excellent) it's probably only his 5th or 6th best book.

Anyway, after missing his last UK appearance a few years ago due to it being the same time as an exam, when i saw he was coming back for a very limited reading/signing event, i could not miss it. Fortunately while tickets were sold out at the venue (The Roundhouse, in Camden, London), i managed to get some from the nearby Border's bookstore. So one evening last week, that's where me and Rah went.

After a brief wait in the small FreeDM studio, Chuck came on stage to much applause, and immediately noted that this is pretty much the only author reading event in the world you'd get ticket touts outside for. Audience completely captivated, he told a brief story about some friends' cat to test the mic, before the first of a couple of quick games: Always known for his unusual gifts to fans when responding to fanmail or at speaking events, he had brought several boxes of male and female blow-up faux sex-dolls, some of which were thrown into the crowd - the first 2 blown up would win a dvd screener of a short horror movie as well.

Winners of this game found, th reading proper began - an unpublished short titled 'Loser', only to be heard by his fans at reading. In brief, it was about a college student who was a contestant on a tv game show (The Price is Right), with the added complication that he had just dropped some LSD. Exceptionally well-told and entertaining, as we all expected.

There was then a brief Q+A session with the audience, those asking questions (including me!) also receiving dolls and dvds. After a final round of the same game as before, there was much applause, and everyone rushed out to where Chuck would be meeting fans and signing books. Fifteen minutes of queue-time over, it finally got to our turn, but unfortunately by this time i could no longer have my picture taken with Chuck due to time restraints (very poor planning on part of the venue, i must say), which both upset fans, and annoyed Chuck too. Still, i got my books signed (including an inscription encouraging me to keep writing!), and got to meet my fave author and have a brief chat. Plus, the couple in front of us very kindly snapped a couple of photos as my books were being signed, here's one of them:

A very worthwhile evening indeed!

More... when it gets done...

More stuff coming... err soon?

2008-08-02T11:08:00.003Z

It turns out i suck rather a lot at updating my online things. I think the whole 'studying for finals' thing was a good excuse for the time that lasted, but there's been a significant amount of time since that was all done and dusted...

So if anyone actually still reads this, i'm sorry for lack of updates on all fronts. Here's the plan:

By the time you've read this, i will have updated my photobucket to this week, which is a few months worth of photos - go have a look (link on right)

Written updates on here, my aim is once every week or so, ideally getting to a regular spot on a sunday/monday, starting in the next week or so.

YouTube is on a 'when something is worth putting up it'll go up' basis. Hopefully more videos soon.

At the moment: Working in the week with Rah, destroying files (burning them). Saving up for holiday (Vegas!) in 3 and a bit weeks. :)

News in brief, 12/03/08

2008-03-12T23:44:00.003Z

In absence of a full update, here's an interim acknowledgement that i'm still (mostly!) alive:

DOING: BA Essay - "Quantum security with classical cryptography? - Laszlo Kish's 'Kirchoff-Loop, Johnson (-like) Noise (KLJN)' cipher" - bit of a mouthful huh? Wanna know what it is? See here

NOT DOING: Anything else other than essay. Sleeping?

EATING: My usual special - stir-fry chicken+veg w/ noodles. Granny Smith Apples. Chicken+stuffing sandwiches from Boots.

DRINKING: A bottle of red right now. Lots of Relentless.

LISTENING: NIN - 'Ghosts I-IV'. Does It Offend You Yea? - 'You Have No Idea What You're Getting Yourself Into'. Butch Walker - 'Leavin' The Game On Luckie Street' (live album).

WATCHING: Okay, so i did sneak in an episode of 'Oz' earlier (bad Dan)... the one where Beecher has his arms and legs broken, and Alvarez takes the guards eyes out. Sweet!

LOOKING FORWARD: Essay being finished! St. Patrick's Day lash. Amsterdam with Sarah. Shadowmoor Pre/Rel. SUMMER = FREEDOM AND AMERICA!

WANTING: My stupidly expensive Japanese Tarmogoyf's to arrive.

WISHING: 'The Fragile' in 5.1?

OUT.

Two things that have annoyed me recently: 'Juno' + Islam in the news.

2008-02-14T00:11:00.003Z

Firstly, can someone please remind me (threaten me with a good kicking) if i fail to update this at least once a fortnight please? Email/facebook/myspace, it all works - thank you!

Secondly, i have been carrying on with my university work as usual since i last posted, boring... So how about i get on with laying into things and have a little rant? Good, i thought you'd like that!

The thing that has annoyed me most recently is not in fact one thing, but a series of separate news stories i have seen in the past 10 days or so, involving Islam/Muslims and a great big heap of controversy. At the risk of sounding "culturally insensitive" or some other PC bullshit, here's what annoyed me about each one. Get off your high horse and remember you have no such thing as a 'right to be not offended' before reading on, if you're one of those types:

1 - Five students win terror appeal - In summary: 5 Muslim students who were convicted under anti-terror laws have been released today following an appeal against their conviction. Apparently they were just 'inquisitive' and 'looking at some propaganda on the internet out of passing interest', and were arrested under 'knee-jerk laws' for a 'thoughtcrime'. How very 1984. What today's news interestingly forgets to tell you is what they were looking at/doing on their computers that led to the original conviction. Were they illegally downloading music, or looking at xxx sites? Hardly. They were photoshopping their own faces onto a montage of the 9/11 hijackers, downloading a 'suicide bomber manual', and making plans in an extremist chatroom to visit a paramilitary training camp in Pakistan. What lovely young men, i wish i could have them as neighbours!

2 - Archbishop says 'Sharia law in UK - Unavoidable' - Apparently, many of the people in this country 'do not relate' to the legal system here, and as a result we should give them different laws to 'maintain social cohesion'. Now, i'd quite like to walk into a shop, get a crate of beer and walk out without paying for it, but i can't as that's shoplifting, which the British legal system says is a crime. Can i say i don't relate to it and be allowed to steal all the beer i want in future please? Also, in what way does having a "one law for them, another for us" system encourage 'social cohesion'?! IF anything, it'll only cause more segregation and tension. Crazy old fool...

3 - Muslim polygamists to get additional state benefits - And here we have an example of the "one law for them, another for us" mentality that seems to be being strived for in the name of political correctness. Polygamy is not only now legal in the UK for Muslim husbands, but they can also claim additional state benefits for their extra wives - £10k in income support alone, plus a 'generous' council tax and housing benefit. My view? You can't love more than one person, so the idea of having more than one wife is ridiculous to start with. But if they're gonna allow that, then why not a common sense approach - you want extra wives, you can pay for them.

The other thing that has annoyed me even more greatly, is the film 'Juno' (released 8th Feb in the UK). Excuse me for one moment:

HOLY FREAKING BALLS THIS FILM IS TERRIBLE.

I have absolutely no idea whatsoever how a film this bad has been so well-received, made so much money, and been nominated for 4 Academy Awards (Oscars). It's plot is basically a whole lot of not much happening to uber-hipster Juno as she goes through perhaps the least realistic pregnancy ever - other than a bit of morning sickness it was completely without a hitch, which considering she got knocked up at 16 and was giving the kid up for adoption, is impossible. Not even the slightest hint of mental anguish. Furthermore, the film contains some of the most cringe-worthy dialogue ever - to the point where i felt genuinely embarrassed to hear lines such as:

"Honest to blog?"
"Phuket Thailand!"
"Hi, i'm calling to procure a hasty abortion...?"
"You shoulda gone to China, y'know, cause i hear they give away babies like free iPods"
"THUNDERCATS ARE GO!" childhood status: raped

And to add a spit-in-the-face insult to crippling spinal injury, the soppy happy ending was so cheesey and predictable it made me vomit up a lung. In short, this film is unrealistic, predictable, has terrible dialogue, and i forgot to mention, has a truly crap 'trendy' indie scenester soundtrack. I'd rather punch myself in the balls than watch this film again - in fact, i still cannot believe i made it the whole way through the film.

Furthermore, i don't like the pro-life theme. Having a child at 16 isn't right for any girl. And i was further dismayed to see it is up for Academy Awards for 'Best Picture', 'Best Director', 'Best Actress', and 'Best Original Screenplay'. I am so infuriated to hear this, that i will make the following promise - if this abomination of cinema wins any of those Oscars, i'll slap myself in the face in amazement/disgust and post the video on YouTube.

Oh, and if i ever meet Ellen Page, i'm kicking her so hard in the ovaries she'll never be able to have children.

Please do let me know what you think so i can ignore you/rip the piss out of you. Thanks and you'll hear from me again soon!

Hello 2008! + the Apple Macbook Air is a piece of crap

2008-01-15T22:12:00.000Z

Ahh. A new year, and i am back in Oxford for the penultimate term of my degree, which is quite a nice feeling i have to say. I normally go on at far too much length with these bits, so for a refreshing change i will now try and bring you up to speed on the last month and a half of my life, and my plans for the near future, in the most succinct way possible, before i get on to going off on a rant about something that annoyed me greatly today...

1 - Result of last blog's death week: I finished the required 50k words for NaNoWriMo at 3pm on the last day, so was a winner for second year running! I got the tute work done on time, lost all but one of my matches at the M:TG tournament (but played against the 'Solidarity' combo deck for the first time, and beat it, and was a great fun day all the same!) , did the radio show, had a great nigh out for Poex's birthday and got trashed, and Pendulum with CJ was AMAZINGLY GOOD!

2 - From then to now: Had about a week and a half of partying in Oxford, then went on a trip, the 'Birmingham Widge Project' (didn't sleep all night until 11am the next day after nearly dying on the way back the train...). Spent a couple weeks sleeping/hanging out with my little brother Josh at home, then another couple days in Birmigham seeing Sarah (the very awesome girl i am now going out with, :D ) before a quiet Christmas day at home, then went off on holiday for 10 days (to miami, couple places in the Caribbean on a cruise - it was pretty alright, i bought some very cheap clothes and stuff), then the day after our flight back, drove back here to Oxford!

3 - The near future: Obviously, working hard at uni now finals are in sight! Hanging out with friends + Sarah lots, going out and drinking. RockSoc events. More M:TG events. More reading. More writing*.

( * = i now aim as a New Year's resolution to update this blog with at least a couple paragraphs at least every 2 weeks. If i am not doing so, please email me and give me a good verbal kicking to get back on it!)

Now, some complaining:

The Apple Macbook Air is a piece of crap:

Today was the annual MacWorld expo, which is basically an event whose sole purpose is to allow Apple to have a metaphorical wank over their rabid fanboys. At this event, Steve Jobs (a wizard at selling unoriginal concepts as 'truly innovative') spoke of four things. The three i'm not going to discuss in detail:

1 - iPhone/iPod Touch update - Charging $20 for a small software/firmware update, are you insane?! And it contains, *wait for it, this is good* ... Mail, Stocks, Notes, Maps, Weather. Wow - because you haven't bee able to do that, for free, on pretty much any decent phone (which the 3G-less iPhone isn't, by the way)/pda released in... ohh the last 3 years?

2 - Movie rentals on iTunes - and in the least-surprising announcement category, is this. Not a great deal to complain about, except it will require the loathsome iTunes software to use, rentals expire a mere 24 hours after you start watching,and yet again we'll get totally raped on the pricing in Europe compared to the US, when it eventually makes its way here months later for no good reason.

3 - Time machine - an expensive external hardrive? Come on, it might be wireless and automated, but you can do better than that, surely? And who really needs a backup copy of their computer HD that desperately anyway?

The *BIG* announcement though, has got to be the most overpriced and laughable product Apple have ever put out - the Macbook Air. Allow me dissect it in bulletpoint form:

It's selling point is that it is the world's thinnest laptop, at 0.76 inches thick. - but Dell and other companies already sell laptops that are 1.00 inches thick. Is three-quarters of an inch really that big of a deal? Also, it is being sold on the back of being very light, 1.4kg - but again the comparable laptops are only 0.3kg or so more, you'd barely notice!
It has NO OPTICAL DRIVE. Only Apple would have the sheer audacity to market the lack of a necessary component as a feature/seling-point. "But it doesn't need a cd/dvd drive!" they say, "You use our amazing new Remote Disc feature!" Let me explain what this means - you need to own ANOTHER COMPUTER, which does have a cd/dvd drive, in order to rip a cd onto your itunes/watch a dvd. Then why not use the other computer in the first place?! Also, this feature has been standard in Win machines since the mid-90's. Allow me to demonstrate: Go to 'My Computer'. Right-click on a drive. Choose 'Sharing and security'. Choose 'Share drive as'. You've done it. An amazing innovation, huh?
It is a rip-off at $1800. A quick browse online reveals that you can buy an HP laptop with more RAM, a better processor, and a much larger hard drive for a THOUSAND DOLLARS LESS. Or a near-identically sized Sony Vaio with better specs for FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS LESS.
Irony city - the packaging includes INSTALL DVDS. Err, how you gonna use those then?
It has ONLY ONE USB PORT. Hooray connectivity! (but then the're to busy saying it is 'truly wireless' to remember we own things like phones, cameras, mp3 players, etc... which all require USB.)

And what was the reward Apple got for this display of arrogance?

A 5% one-day FALL in their stock price and a general lack of enthusiasm from all but their mindless devotees, for a product that is effectively just an expensive gimmick, and their latest entry into the thin-and-light-laptop pissing contest.

But it'll sell, despite vastly superior products being available for less money, just because of the brand, like all Apple products... Mainly to idiots that think the Sunday newspaper and T3 magazine are the last word in what technological equipment (that they don't actually NEED) the should buy.

*sigh* Morons.

Don't stop. Believing.

2007-11-24T17:03:00.001Z

As i sit here writing this post, i have ahead of me one of, if not the, busiest weeks of my life. After a night in which i was out drinking until about 6.30am, this can be quite intimidating, let me break it all down:

- I have 15356 words to write in the next 151 hours in order to reach my 50k target for NaNowrimo.

- I have 2 problem sheets in for Tuesday and Thursday. These usually take a full day to complete. And then the associated tutes afterward. Massive time-sink.

- Tomorrow, i have a M:TG Legacy tournament all day (yes, i have 1 geeky hobby, cut me some slack...), then a pub quiz to run in the evening (which i have yet to write!) No free time until 10pm then.

- Monday, i have my radio show 7-9pm. Be sure to tune in over at Oxide Radio!

- Tuesday, Poex's 23rd birthday. I will not be sober.

- Wednesday = PENDULUM. Nothing else to say there really, it'll be lush.

- Thursday - DID I MENTION I HAVE A WHOLE LOAD OF STUFF TO FIT IN HERE?!

- Friday - Last day to finish off my NaNovel. I think it will be really down to the wire this year. But I WILL WIN AGAIN!

And then after that it's term over.

And the real fun begins. :D

Anyways, i gotta run. A lot to be getting on with, and not nearly enough time. A lot of people wouldn't, but i happen to like the occasional nigh-on impossible task such as this. As we keep drunkenly singing near the end of a night out, in the words of Journey:

'Don't stop. Believing.'

See you on the other side...

Deploy: NaNoWriMo!!

2007-10-27T15:38:00.001Z

I haven't updated this blog-thing in years...

... okay, so i said 'years', what i really meant was 'a good few months now' - either way, it is bad and i feel bad for being so lazy, so i hope you're happy now, leave me alone!

Anyways, i'm not sure that i've been up to anything of any major note, really. I finished second year at uni, did not very much over the summer (Save making a couple hundred £ on Ebay, doing some writing work for CharGrilled, and going on an epic long-weekend to the Prague - actually i could write a whole crap-load about that, but i'll save all those stories for another day...). Now i'm back for my final year, which will very-much-hopefully end up in me having a BA in Physics, how terribly exciting (exactly why i don't talk about my subject much...)

However, something that is exciting...

... it's nearly the end of October

... which means Halloween

... but it also means the start of November is on the horizon

... which equals:

NaNoWriMo!!! (or [inter]National Novel Writing Month, for long)

The premise is basically to write a 50,000 word novel during the month o November. It sounds tough, and it is,but it's also a whole load of fun. I did it last year and was a 'winner' on day 26, not bad going if i do say so myself!

So, do any of you wanna join me on this years novel-writing journey? (okay, that sounds cliche and lame as hell, but i don't care)

If so, head on over to:

NaNoWriMo

and get going!! (i'm signed up as dan_uk, should you wanna add me.)

See you all soon!

Dan x

Where has Dan been?

2007-07-04T15:48:00.001Z

It's been a while, hasn't it? Sorry about that. I know i said i'd try and update this on a regular basis (i even made some sort of half-promise/resolution to do so at least once a month, in fact), but i've been a little sloppy since... well, February. If i was the excuse-making kind, i'd probably say it was because i've been so busy with other projects that i simply didn't have the time... But i'm not, so my reason for such a delay is that i wasn't sure you deserved another one quite yet. I'm such a bastard, huh?

Anyways, where have i been? Mainly back in Oxford, doing the whole university thing. What have i been doing? Well a lot of things actually, so please allow me to break this up into little manageable chunks for you to digest at your leisure:

This one just gone being my second of three years at university, it was also one that ended in exams that count towards my final degree (45% of it i think). Hence a great deal of my time was spent revising for these last term. In fact, the final 2 weeks were spent almost entirely either at my desk in the flat or in the periodicals room at college. However, despite m besty efforts, i didn't quite get the 2.1 i thought i would get. I guarantee this will be brought up and i'll get slated for it by tutor/principal upon my return in September, but all things considered i don't actually care that much. Like, what am i even going to do with this degree anyway, when all of my interests lie in areas diametrically opposed to the 'typical' career path of a physics graduate?

Enough of that crap though, let's get on to the things that are less depressing and much more exciting. One of these is that i am now the co-presenter of a weekly rock/punk/metal/etc radio show on Oxide , with my good friend Dave. It's been pretty good fun so far, and very well received, believe it or not - despite the fact we're not supposed to know this, it's one of the most listened to specialist shows on the station, and i've gotten quite a lot of praise for it too: i was described as a 'prodigal newcomer', by the station management, get in! Next year we hope to return with another of Dave's 24 broadcasts, an extended 2-hour timeslot, and possibly even win an award or two, wait and see...

Along a similar vein, i've also been quite heavily involved with the new RockSoc, which is basically a soceity for Oxford students/peoples who listen to 'alternative' music and don't want to have to suffer the crap music/surroundings/company the clubs in Oxford offer. I have a number of titles (well, three currently) which are: Vice President (i keep the President, the other Dan, in check), Social Secretary (i go out lots and organise these events), and by far my favourite title, Drinks Captain (i make sure everyone has a good time and buys me drinks). It's been going pretty well for a fledgling society, with around 100 members thus far, fortnightly club nights, 'Blitzkrieg', at the Coven, and we've negotiated some killer discounts on gig tickets, record fair, music shops, etc... All looking good to continue with lots more fresher's signing up, yay!

Also while in Oxford, there have been a number of (in)famous (mis)adventures, the scope of which are far too great to be told in anything other than an autobiography/novel (coming to a store near you, April 2010, priced only £14.95!!!) so i will neglect these, for the time being at least.

So after all that i've been back home now for a couple of weeks, which thus far has been equally busy. So far there has been plenty of nights out only half-remembered, many a morning waking up on various couches, helping Tom move into his first house, and i've finally had some time to get back on track with some reading and writing, which pleases me no end. You'll get to see more of it soon i should think.

Especially as i've now got my first job as a writer! I'm working for a day or two a week for a t-shirt company, CharGrilled, with my official position being 'Copy Writer', as in a writer of copy. Sounds cryptic, but basically it means i do the newsletters, all the text on the website (as well as myspace and forthcoming facebook shiz, but not started on these two yet), and also come up with t-shirt ideas. Sure, it might pale in comparison in terms of both impressive-looking-ness on a CV and pay compared to some of my friends doing city internships (hope all's going well you people!) - but do they get to turn up to work, 10 minutes drive from home, at 10.30am, then do something they have a great time doing, and get paid for it?

Hopefully that will continue after this holiday, and may help give me some idea as to what exactly i want to do with my life once university is over. Currently i'm thinking along the lines of writing (novels, articles, for a company, etc...) or perhaps some kind of radio/music journalism, or possibly the best one, some form of job where i get paid to go out drinking and do stupid things. Such a job exists, right?

That will probably do for now, i'll update again soon. If i don't, someone please send me a threatening email to remind me, yes? I was thinking of doing some reviews of some things actually, how does that sound?

As always, feel free to leave me: constructive criticism, fan mail, date requests. And i will see you all soon.

Dan out.

Valentines? + Predictions update + Dan news

2007-02-13T21:48:00.000Z

I've been a bit ill recently, had the flu, which has been a bit rubbish. Now in 5th week (of 8) in my second term of second year (over halfway through my degree that is), pretty damn busy, and much to my disappointment and upset, have had far too much stupid physics work to do to for me to be able to do any decent amount of writing, be that short-stories/articles, or continue work on my novel. In between revision at Easter... It will get finished before the end of the year...

Anyways, as you may have had forced down your throat for the past few weeks, tomorrow is Valentine's day:

Brilliant. As if we didn't need another excuse to spend a shit-load of money on pointless crap that's only going to be thrown in the bin within a week. And it's purpose, to show someone you love them. Or at least fancy them and are really glad they let you have sex with them. Or just for a quiet life. What a load of crap.

Think about it with me for a second. If you really did love someone, if you really cared, why would it be on only one day of the year, the same day as everyone else in the world, that you did something to show this. And do you really think your special someone is really that impressed with a couple of roses and some chocolates? Come on, that's hardly innovation. That's hardly showing you put a lot of thought into it. That you care deeply. That you love.

So make more of an effort. And not just on Valentine's. This goes for both sexes.

Also, if you do go on the 'i'm a boring soulless moron' route and buy roses and go out to dinner, you're an absolute tool. This time of year, the prices of these things are jacked up higher than generic celebrity #315 on an LA drug binge.

Dan does not currently have a Valentine. Applications being taken, now!

My predictions for this year are going very well thus far. As expected, Vista was all over the news for a whole bloody week, giving rise to much amusement as we watched computer-types be either incredibly over-excited, or ridiculously nervous in their over-hyping analysis of the product launch. Pity that the next version of Windows, codenamed 'Vienna', is set to come out with all the features they left out of Vista, as soon as 2009.

'We Are The Strange' debuted successfully at Sundance, and has received a lot of positive reviews, although as perhaps may be expected with something 'this different', the mainstream press doesn't appear to have quite cottoned-on to it yet. Except for the New York Times, who said its creator represented 'a new paradigm in film-making'. Good work.

Oh, and i was only 2 weeks off on my Harry Potter 7 release date prediction. Do not ever mention it to me again, or i will spoil it for you.

What else can i tell you about now... remember way back on the old blog when i did some analysis of things with numbers and stuff? Well i might do some more of that if i get some new ideas - i've done some for a talk i'm giving tomorrow on 'physics in films' (how realistic the scenes they portray are), i could post those up if anyone's interested.

Turl Street arts fest is this week, and i was hoping to present a (Palahniuk-esque) short story (tentatively titled: 'Under Your Skin') for it, but due to too much work (if any of my tutors are reading this, thanks!) i've not had the time to finish/polish it. Soon, hopefully.

Catching-up missed work beckons. Check back soon for something with a little more substance.

Dan

2007, a brief (or not so) summary

2007-01-05T18:34:00.000Z

It's been a while, hasn't it? I'm sorry about that. But you needn't worry, there's plenty more coming from now on. I'll talk about what i've been up to and shit later, but first, have a quick read of my summary of 2007. It's so accurate, that you could just read this and live in a cave for the next year. In fact, it'd probably be a good idea if you did, there really isn't that much to look forward too! Anyways, here it is:

It's January, and across the country people are signing up to gyms, healthy-eating regimes, and many other forms of madness, in the disillusioned belief that 'this will be the year things change. I'm going to get fit, get a better job/a raise, stop cheating on my husband/wife, (whatever else) '. Well, i simply hate being the bearer of bad news, i really do (i'm not lying, honest...), but that is not going to happen. Everyone starts the year with a nasty hangover, and much more damaging, grand and completely unjustified ideas of how much their life is going to change in the next 12 months. Don't kid yourself! The only person i know who's ever lived up to any of their New Year's resolutions is, well, me. Not only that, but i exceeded them. I resolved to read 12 books last year, i read 17 (an overachievement of 41.67%!) S0, don't ask for too much - especially if you're not me. But it's too late now, you started 2007 with a load of crazy thoughts - i started mine with a Big Tasty from McDonalds: it was of a slightly above average size, and was moderately acceptable to the palette. I repeat, don' expect much - that way the inevitable disappointment is far less crushing and soul-destroying.

Lecture over, continue summary. January 30th - Microsoft's new 'Windows Vista' OS is released. Their stock makes a good rise, it's all over the news for at least a week, and every computer magazine puts out big supplements and special issues to celebrate... well nothing at all really. It just looks more like a Mac in terms of the interface (it's 'pretty', eugh), has a few new bits for making DVD's and what have you, and costs you a whole load more. Oh, and apparently it's more secure, but hackers will have a great time with it, successfully finding security vulnerabilities, much to the embarrassment of MS.

February 25th - the 79th Academy Awards ('The Oscars' to you plebians who have somehow managed to read this far) - Heat magazine, etc, have a field weekend pointing out what people wore, whoever gave the biggest bribes wins the most awards. YAWN.

March, if you're lucky - Sony's Playstation 3 console is finally released, months after it's been out in the US and Japan, and at an extortionate price, because we always get totally screwed over here in the UK. Despite a lacklustre launch line-up, and frankly obscene price-tag (something like £450 + £60 for games), it sells out, and those bright enough to know what 'ebay' is make a killing selling them on for well over £1000.

April 1 - Cannabis legalised in the UK.

July 1 - Smoking ban comes into force in England. No one really pays any attention to it, and it's in the news loads. The 'Concert for Diana' takes place, showcasing some of the worst 'music' created in the past 40 years (with the exception of Duran Duran, who are ace). Also, apparently she's getting another memorial service on August 31st - come on, she's had one (and a ton of other stuff) already, now you're just getting greedy!

July 7 - The 'New 7 Wonders of the World' are announced. My guess at the final line-up: Stonehenge, Christ the Redeemer, Statue of Liberty, Great Wall of China, Colosseum, Chichen Itza, Easter Island Moais. If those slimy frogs sneak the Eiffel Tower in there, i will not be amused.

July 27th to August 8th - Paedophiles from across the globe gather in Chelmsford, Essex, under the extremely thin disguise of celebrating 100 years of scouting. Over 40,000 young boys will be abused at the event.

September 16th to 30th - FIFA Women's World Cup - No one cares.

November, probably - Large Hadron Collider at CERN is switched on for the first time. Physicists everywhere will not shut the fuck up about it, and will bore me to tears discussing it. I hope it blows up so i never have to hear about it. Also in November - there's a Tutankhamun exhibit at The O2 (what was the Millennium Dome), which will be the last time his treasures will ever be able to be seen outside of Eygpt. It'll probably be stupidly expensive though, considering this.

December - Christmas, which i hate.

And now a breakdown of a couple areas for 2007:

Books:

On July 7th (probable date of 07/07/07 for the 7th book, ohh how spooky! That said it's also quite likely to be a Christmas 'treat'), 'Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows', the last book in the series, is finally released, much to delight of children, and adults who can't read books written for 'grown-ups'. Thousands of sad bastards call in sick just to read the book, costing employers millions. There is also a huge public outcry, as Harry dies at the end of the book in a battle with Voldewhateveridon'tcareireadproperbooksnotwrittenfor12yearolds (cue mass hate mail from fans, which will cause me no end of amusement). People even mourn the death of this fictional character, and the news reports showing people crying while talking about it make for even more hilarity.

'The Solomon Key', the next Dan Brown book comes out, another conspiracy yarn starring Robert Langdon, this time about the Freemasons, and the history of the United States. No one bothers to question any of the massive plot-holes, least of which is the fact that the same guy has uncovered the 3 biggest mysteries in the world, in the space of a few years. Conspiracy-theorists go nuts over it, and gullible members of the public will take it as truth - this has already been proven, in fact: before 'The Da Vinci Code' was released, most people did not know who Mary Magdalene was. Following the book becoming a bestseller, 60% of readers now think Jesus fathered a child by her. The general public are idiots.

Don Delillo's next book, 'Falling Man', could well be the best literary offering of the year, though if it's about the events of 9/11 as has been widely speculated, it won't - that subject has already been way too over done with two movies and a hundred billion books. Let it rest.

*My pick* - Chuck Palahniuk - 'Rant' (May). As far as i'm concerned, this man can do no wrong when it comes to writing. Every book he's written has immediately grasped me by the throat and forced me to read it non-stop until the ride is over, and i'm physically exhausted from the experience. I don't expect any less of his next book, an oral biography of a rabies-spreading, urban demolition derby leader - and i know i won't be disappointed either. An exceptionally close second (sorry FKR and my fellow MDMers!) will be the next book from Frank Kelly Rich, publisher of the world's finest publication, Modern Drunkard Magazine. 'The Modern Drunkard's Adventures With Alcohol', like 'The Modern Drunkard' before it, will be another painfully witty, delightfully politically-incorrect, and inspiring book on the virtues of heavy drinking in the 21st century, and will be proudly read by me and thousands of others come August.

TV:

Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah.

Nothing worth watching, and the news will be woefully depressing for yet another year running, with nothing but wars, terrorist attacks, and huge government mistakes to be reported on. Leave it turned off.

Cinema:

'Hannibal Rising' will be well worth the price of admission, to see the origins of Dr. Lecter. 'Sin City 2' and '300', both based on Frank Miller graphic novels, will be very much worth your time. 'Zodiac', being directed by David Fincher, has a very good chance of being a good film. 'Pirate of the Caribbean: A World's End' will be absolutely fucking fantastic, and i intend on getting tickets to the very first showing. ' 28 Weeks Later' ('28 Days Later' sequel) will suffer not being directed by Danny Boyle, and being Americanised most likely. 'The Simpsons Movie' will be absolutely huge, but ultimately a let down. 'Gring House' will be okay, but Quentin Tarantino's whoring out of his name to anything a bit violent the last few years has damaged his reputation. 'Postal', directed by Uwe Boll, maker of truly terrible films, and based on one of the worst videogames ever, will be absolutely awful - avoid at all costs. 'Spiderman 3', 'Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer', and 'Transformers' will provide a record number of explosions and good special effects for the blockbuster summer. 'Live Free or Die Hard' will join them, though it's not yet clear if this one will live up to the trilogy it follows. 'Alice' has the potential to be the best scary/psychological film of the year, being based on American McGee's excellent retelling of the wonderland story, in which a catatonic and utterly insane Alice falls into a nightmare world inside her own mind while at an asylum following the death of her parents in a fire. However, the part of Alice has been given to Sarah Michelle Gellar. I'm deeply skeptical to say the least. Also hanging in the balance somewhat is the musical 'Sweeney Todd', directed by Tim Burton and starring Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter and Sacha Baron Cohen - assuming they can all sing up to the standard required by the Stephen Sondheim musical adaptation, this should be most entertaining and darkly funny.

*My Pick* - 'We Are The Strange' will be the cult film of the year, and an absolute revelation compared to the hundred-million-dollar films that will follow it in the summer. Described by it's creator, the 'legally insane' M dot Strange, as 'Monsters Inc. meets The Nightmare Before Christmas inside of a retro Japanese videogame', it is simply like nothing i have ever seen or even imagined before. Made on a near-zero budget in his house using his new 'Str8nime' (Strange + 8bit + anime) style, the film follows... oh screw this, just watch the trailer. It's absolutely incredible. If this film is anything less than the 'Mega Hella Awesome' it promises, or doesn't win anything at the Sundance festival where it debuts Jan 19th, i will be absolutely shocked and appalled.

We Are The Strange - Trailer (YouTube)

http://www.wearethestrange.com

(and if you still 'don't get it' after watching the trailer, just wait and see)

Music:

Starting with the genre-crap: There’ll be a whole load more atrocities under the labels of ‘rap’ / ‘hip-hop’ from 50 Cent et al, glorifying gun-crime and gang-culture, set to beats that sluts will happily shake their wares to in the direction of eager ‘lad’ punters on dance floors across the land. Another wave of bands calling themselves ‘The ….’ playing derivative jangly drivel with obnoxious fake accents, and painstakingly-styled ‘messy’ hair will co-dominate the charts for another year, causing me to die inside a little more. Coldplay will release another hopelessly depressing album of songs for bed-wetters. The best you’ll get under the label of ‘indie’ will be Of Montreal’s ‘Hissing Fauna, Are You The Destroyer?’ (which is really rather excellent, I don’t hate indie really, just most of it), and whatever The Klaxons put out (yes it’s a ‘The’ band, but I like their nu-ravey stuff in a guilty-pleasure kinda way). Metallica are due another album, they’ll never be as good as they were, but it can only be uphill after the really rather poor ‘St. Anger’. I’m hopeful Enter Shikari will finally release a full-length after several EP’s, as their blend of trance/electronic-y stuff and screamo is catchy as hell, and they were great live (see crap-quality phone-cam vids on my photobucket, Xmas 06 album). Avenged Sevenfold, Anthrax, Machine Head should all be releasing solid metal albums this year. The long awaited 'Chinese Democracy' from Gun's N Roses will apparently surface in March, it'll sell big but i'm doubtful it'll be really any good. I feel based on popularity alone i should mention that Panic! At The Disco and Fall Out Boy have new albums coming, apparently with guest vocalist Jay-Z on the opener of the new FOB album - what the fuck's with that?!

*My Pick* - I've actually got two, but the second is so massive it warrants it's own section. The other is: new material from Pendulum. I'd always had something against drum'n'bass, but the first time i heard 'Hold Your Colour', or 'Girl In The Fire', i was absolutely blown away. Unlike the stereotypical d'n'b you may be thinking of right now, it's got incredible melodies, and is so much more than just a drum-machine put on 'fast'. If you think d'n'b just 'noise' right now, i strongly advise you to reconsider the case of Pendulum - not only is it music, it's really good music at that. While a date for the new album has not been given yet, i'm certain it will be this year, and apparently it's got more guitars on it than the last one, better suited to 'proper' live performances - if the beginnings of this in the video of their show at Fabric (see here) is anything to go by, this will be amazing. Pendulum at Brixton Academy anyone? I for one would pay an extortionate amount to see that if it happens. In summary though: Pendulum will do for d'n'b what Prodigy did for dance - make it accessible to those who'd previously listened to just rock/metal, and at the same time make some stupidly good songs.

My number 1 thing to look forward to this year though?

Nine Inch Nails:

Trent Reznor is another guy who in my book, can do no wrong. The guy's an absolute genius. For those of you who are unaware of who i'm talking about, he's the single member and multi-instrumentalist driving force behind NIN, probably the biggest alternative-rock act of the last 2 decades. Over 20 million records sold if you want a figure, but that really doesn't do him any justice. You can't call yourself a lover of music if you don't own and can't appreciate 'The Downward Spiral', so if you don't have it, buy it.

Anyways, first up is the release of Halo 22, 'Beside You In Time', a live DVD/HD-DVD/Bluray of the '06 Tour for 'With Teeth'. NIN are known for their incredible live performances set against visually spectacular backdrops (picture) and effects, and the trailer (see here ) shows this perfectly. Will be £whatever-it-takes very easily spent.

March 7th, i've got tickets to see NIN live for my first time, at Brixton Academy, London. Let's put this into perspective - Brixton is the largest non-arena music venue in London. It's sold out 4 nights in a row for NIN. And that's just the London part of a tour of just the UK. Watch the video above again. This will easily be the best money i spend all year, except for...

April - New album is released. It's currently being mixed. TR himself says: 'Juggling fifteen all-new tracks around. Testing sequences. No leftovers from "With Teeth". Highly conceptual. Quite noisy. Fucking cool.' And that's far more than i need to know. 'April' would easily have been enough info for me to get excited. This much has me going crazy with anticipation. I can't wait.

(and for what's going on with me... well you're gonna have to wait, there's already way too much to read here right now!)

Dan out. x

Germaine Greer, GTFO

2006-09-05T16:37:00.000Z

It was a sad day for the world yesterday when news came in that 'The Crocodile Hunter', Steve Irwin, had died after being stabbed in the heart by a stingray, filming on-location off Port Douglas (Queensland, Australia). I could go into details of this right now, but i'm sure you've all read it already/could indulge your morbid fascination through wikipedia if you haven't, so i'm going to press on to the point of this:

All around the world, today' newspapers were full of tributes, praise, and mourning for Steve; "a bloody good bloke" said The Daily Telegraph. "Why did it happen to such an important and talented guy?" botanist David Bellamy was quoted in The Sun, which devoted half of it's front page to a photo of Steve.

But, one person decided that the day after his death would be an appropriate time to slander this great man. Her name: Germaine Greer, well known amongst those who switch on BBC 2 after the comedy shows have finished, as the decripit hag 'feminist' (a severe danger-word if there ever was one) from Newsnight review that complains about everything. Her scathing article in The Guardian was needlessly harsh, especially in it's closing paragraph, which began:

'The animal world has finally taken its revenge on Irwin...'

A disgusting thing to say, considering this man had devoted his life to the animal kingdom, conservation, and environmentalism - and all of this well documented: He founded the Steve Irwin Conservation Foundation, the International Crocodile Rescue, and converted his family's small wildlife reserve into the now world-reknown Australia Zoo. Just 3 examples from a multitude of positive things he did for nature.

'There was not an animal he was not prepared to manhandle. Every creature he brandished at the camera was in distress' She claims earlier in her article, obviously an expert in the emotional state of all creatures. She says this as if all he did was go around scaring/harming animals, which from the evidence of his actions above, seems truly ludicrous. Okay, he might've scared a few snakes and crocs temporarily, but as The Financial Times noted, his "accessible approach marked a distinct break from the more didactic style of earlier generations of nature presenters" - in essence, through entertaining viewers, he made us think about the real issues, rather than just preaching in a bland monotone - his excitement fuelled ours.

The rest of the article reads with the same level of bitterness (if you want to read the rest, see link below). Greer seems desperate for at least someone to agree with her, trying to be 'down with the kids', so to speak, by inclusion of a recent pop-culture phenomenon and internet meme: 'Snakes on a plane only want to get off' But the fact is, it's impossible to acknowledge anything she says in this article, as no-one wants to read bad things about a good person, especially no one day after their tragic death. Have some fucking respect won't you?! Sure, if Dr. Greer ever reads this she'll likely pick holes in all i've written (but to be fair i'm 19 and she's had about 200 years of learning obscure words), but that doesn't stop this: More people will agree with me than her.

For all the controversy he caused at various times in his life, Steve Irwin was a good man, and in his life had more of a positive impact on the world than she ever will.

Steve Irwin, RIP.

Germaine Greer, GET THE FUCK OUT!

Original article: The Guardian

The #1 most annoying and overused expression i hate is:

2006-08-23T15:56:00.000Z

*drum roll*

... repost this / forward this !

I see this at least 20 times daily, and i'm guessing the rise in blood-pressure and foul mood that accompanies each sighting means that i'm probably done as much damage by this as smoking a pack of cigarettes every day. Yes, it really is that fucking infuriating. Maybe it's my punishment for logging into MySpace, i dunno (i hate it, but you really do kinda need one these days...) Anyways - here's a bit of explanation of what exactly i'm on about, and my arguments/reasons for why this is #1, and why no-one should ever say it again and live.

What exactly i'm on about:
So, you turn on your computer and connect to the internet, expecting it to be full of wonderful things, and absolutely no sick fetishes, adverts for cheap viagra and xanax, or other filth. So obviously you're instantly disappointed. But then you sign into some profile site or check your email fairly innocently, thinking the worst has hit you already... WRONG! This is when you hit the absolute rock-bottom of the internet, below even tramadol spammers and furries - this is when you get the horrible forwarded/reposted messages, the obscene creations of a truly evil mind, now bastardised with even worse spelling and more ludicrous threats/pleas to try and get you to pass this on yourself. These messages, and the sick, sick people that send them, are what i'm talking about here.

Broadly speaking, these messages fall into 3 categories:
1 - 'OMGZ ders dis computer virus thngy an it's lyk WELL BAD, tell all ur mayts!' - Anyone who forwards one of these messages is a tool, because it's never true. Try it next time - stick the name of the supposed virus into google, hit search, and the top pag of results will be trustworthy anti-virus sites saying this is a hoax. This you have found out in aroun 20 seconds, rather than wasting several minutes forwarding it to all your email contacts, and looking like an idiot for doing so. When there genuinely is a big and nasty virus on the loose, it's always in the news, duh!

2 - 'OMGZ u gotta help ders dis missin kid and if u send dis msg to all ur mayts we can find him/her!' - Again, never true, and if it was it would be on the news! Occasionally i reply to these in jest, usually along the lines of 'Yea, she wouldn't shut up so i had to pistol whip her, the little bitch', much to the shock of whoever sent me this trash. Seriously, check out your facts before forwarding anything, it takes no time at all to look it up on the 'Inboxer Rebellion' page of snopes.com, and see whether what's being emailed to you is true or not.

3 - 'The annoying completely irrelevant information survey! LOL' - These make up the vast majority of reposts/forwards, are by far the most offensive to the eyes, and were recently voted the 'most damaging influence on the youth of today' by Angry Complaints Magazine. With the overwhelming popularity of MySpace among the legions of mindless dribbling fools that are almost all teenagers, this is where these are most prevalent, usually in 'bulletin' form. And now i will destroy:

Deceptive titling:
Due to a growing backlash from a small contingent of people who actually have something between their ears, the titles of these messages now rarely include words which set off our waste-of-my-fucking-time sensors such as 'quiz' or 'questions' or 'top 8'. Instead, they're being crafty bastards, the people that spread this filth, choosing titles which lure you into clicking them, thinking they might be something of interest. But oh no, it's the complete opposite...

Bullshit Content:
So you've clicked to read it, and instantly regret it and see your mistake: Inside is a myriad assortment of numbered questions, the answers to which are of no interest to anyone in the world, ever. The whole thing is a grammatical minefield, with enough spelling mistakes, CAPS LOCK and CrAzY TeXt to cause the instantaneous suicide of a thousand English teachers. Seriously, have a think about this. Does anyone really want to know your shoe size? Is it really necessary to say you smoke when all the people who could possibly read this already know that, and it says you do on your page as well? Etc etc. Ad those girlfriend/boyfriend surveys/applications/whatever-the-hell-you-want-to-call-them - come on now, either be original and write your own (and at least make it somewhat personal/funny), or just be honest, and ask straight-up who wants to hook-up with you. Because let face it, that's what you really want to know from this, isn't it?

Empty Threats:
The only saving grace (well, it's more akin to finding a penny after being thrown into a pit of excrement really) of these messages are the frankly ridiculous threats/promises at the end, which apparently are supposed to make you re-send it yourself, and not crease-up laughing as i do. Firstly, is it really the case that people think great things will happen to them for forwarding a message? Do you people actually envision some higher power looking down on you and saying to Himself: 'Oh (s)he's been and good and reposted that message, lets send 'em a lottery win/new lover/etc' ? Or the converse? Secondly, did any of you stop to think of the implications if all these promises/threats were true? From the last fortnight alone, i'd have accumulated more than my remaining life expectancy in bad luck, and missed out on finding 4 £10 notes in the street. Just taking that one example, if true, millions of bank-notes would be 'found' on the street every week - which means either some poor bastards are loosing alot of money and not getting it back, or they are magically appearing out of nowhere - which would screw the economy up somewhat. See?! It doesn't work because it simply isn't true!

Complete morons:
So, come on then, why do you all do it? I would be genuinely interested to see if someone can provide a valid reason for forcing these things upon others. Do you actually read these when they are sent to you, and think 'OMGZ, this is really cool, all my friends would LOVE to see this LOL!' ? If so, then i think i may have discovered an extremely good reason and also criteria for the mandatory frontal-lobotomisation of a vast group of people. I've heard from several people that it's 'fun and interestin leik' - correction, it really isn't, which i think i've already made abundantly clear. I've also heard, more worryingly, that people fill in these things and send them off again out of boredom - there are so many better and more stimulating things you could be doing with your time! Read a book, get out and see friends, or create something of your own, something actually worth showing friends. It's not impossible to see a situation slightly qorse than at present in which conversation is all but dead, and if you want to know something about someone, you have to look through the surveys they've posted until you find your answer - which would be pretty damn awful, do you not think?

And finally:
What about the people that start these things in the first place? Who spends their time coming up with these lists, quizzes, surveys? A more paranoid person might suggest they were never written by a human, and are in fact a direct creation of the internet itself, as it becomes self-aware and is trying to weaken us to the point where it can enslave us (Matrix/Terminator anyone?) But instead, i will refer you all to The #1 Rule Of The Internet:

"No matter how perverse, depraved, gross, vomit-inducing, horrifying and utterly wrong something is, someone, somewhere on the Internet, is deriving sexual pleasure from it."

And now i ask you 'Do you provide pictures of your younger siblings bathing, for paedophiles to filthily pleasure themselves over?' Of course not. So why are you doing a similar service to the sick devisers of this text-based putrescence?

The top 5 most annoying and overused expressions i hate (rant)

2006-07-31T18:51:00.000Z

For the first 'proper' post here at my new site, i've decided to keep with what my existing readers/fans (am i good enough to warrant 'fans' yet?) know and love - me hating things, and writing about it. Have at it:

Right - has someone ever said (or messaged/emailed/etc) something to you so dripping with cliche it made you cringe? Something that's been said a few too many times already, a bit of an over-egged pudding? Something that made you a little angry and annoyed? Something so heinous, so utterly intolerable, it was all you could do as a friend to reach over the table, grasp their shoulders, and pull them towards you as you buried your forehead into the bloody pulp that was previously their nose? Well, don't worry, i can sympathise - this happens to me all the time. Which is why i have written the following list, which could also be titled 'top 5 things not to say if you wish to talk to me ever again'

#5 - "What happens in .... , stays in .... ":

Let me start by saying two things: #1, if you don't think this is overused, or even used much at all, you're obviously the kinda person that doesn't read a myspace profile, but instead goes straight to the pics to see if you want to hit on them or not. Bravo to you for not wasting any time, but you'll have to trust me on the abundance of this one. #2, there is ONE AND ONLY ONE circumstance in which this can (and should) be used acceptably: You are one of a group of male friends on your way to Las Vegas. Any girlfriends (or God forbid, wives) are back at home, out of the picture. One of you says this, once and only once, then everyone else agrees, and the pact is made. There will then be a moment of silence as you contemplate the shameful indiscretions to come, very similar in fact to the silence there is later, as you saw the limbs off a pair of dead strippers you married in a casino, before putting them in black plastic bags in the boot of a rental car, then burying them out in the desert.

However, the most common usage of this is by teenage girls, with the name of a shitty small-town nightclub or 18-30 holiday resort filling in the blank, and many errors of spelling, such as in the following example:

"Wot hapens in Oxygen stays in Oxygen, ent that ryt Jen! LOL LOLZ!!"

This is annoying and wrong, for several reasons. Firstly, it's being used after the event - when the statement is intended to be used beforehand, as a promise between friends. This leads me onto the fact that it is also supposed to be a pact of secrecy, and having this plastered all over your technicolour yawn of a profile isn't exactly inconspicuous. Besides, despite not being given any specifics, we can now deduce that 'Jen' has done something regrettable in 'Oxygen' - negating the original purpose of the phrase by putting her mistake right out in the open! Finally, it just isn't appropriate for the kind of misjudgements these girls make - you can hardly compare being sick in a club toilet or pulling whoever you best mate fancies with cheating on your wife and multiple homicide, can you? It's a difference of several orders of magnitude!

#4 - "No offence, but...":

Every time someone says this to me, i am instantly offended, and also disappointed in that person. Why? Well, what follows is ALWAYS in some way vaguely disagreeable, and it is clear that that person hasn't got the balls or conviction to just say it, without having to prepare me for such torrents of abuse as "... shut up" or "... you're an idiot" that follow this opener. Moreover, i feel insulted that this person doesn't trust me enough to say what they feel without having to excuse themselves in advance and dodge any risk of making me slightly peeved.

Now, if you're my friend, which if i'm spending any amount of time with you through choice is almost certain, then just be straight with things. Real friends are the ones who'll say things like: "shut the fuck up and just get on with it you girl" - and then you're thankful for this. Note the lack of pussyfooting, they know they can be honest, because they are in fact doing you a favour by saying this.

Or, if you're going to say this very infrequently (perhaps once or twice a year), follow it with the most offensive thing you can think of and say it to someone you actuall really like, for the sake of irony. Example: "...you're a fucking paedophile, and i want to cut you up" - then stare at them and hope they get the joke.

#3 - "I'm not an alcoholic. Alcoholics go to meetings":

Did you know? At least 20% of incoming fresher's will have this as a quote, or join a group with this on it's page within 2 weeks of signing up for Facebook.

What's worse is, most people who use this, think they're being really ironic and 'edgy' (who actually uses that word to describe themselves anyway?) by saying this. When in fact, it's one of the biggest student clichés going. Also, i feel i've lost a lot of credibility and your respect for using an accent on the 'e' just then - sometimes i really hate myself. Time for a new paragraph to get back on track:

Lets dissect this a little. An alcoholic is someone who suffers a physical addiction, a substance abuse problem, which will almost certainly be having a tremendous negative impact on both the sufferer and those close to him/her. So comparing yourself to such a person really isn't doing you any favours, is it? I think what you are trying to say is "i like to drink and get drunk sometimes" - and don't all (okay, nearly all) students?

Note: there is a good term for people that greatly enjoy drinking regularly: 'Drunkard'. But unless you too subscribe to a magazine devoted to drinking, know how to correctly prepare Absinthe two different ways, and own more than three books of cocktails, don't even think about using it.

#2 - "WAGs":

Following the four-yearly hope and lack of glory in the World Cup, it seems that it is almost a legal requirement for every women's magazine (read: advertising you pay for) to have this in the name of at least 2 of it's cover articles. For those of you who are fortunate enough to be completely unaware, 'WAG' stands for 'wives and girlfriends (of footballers, usually England team players)' - so surely the added 's' is double-pluralisation, and is redundant? Don't even get me started on the grammatical minefield that is WAGS', the meaning of which has confused several eminent English language professors to death.

This newspaper 'buzzword' (again, who the hell uses that?) is frequently seen used in some of the most embarrassing headlines ever printed. For example, sometime in the last few weeks, one of the rags (i believe it was 'Heat', but can't be sure), had 'WAGs at War!' splashed across it's cover. Now, correct me if i'm wrong here, but i thought 'war' was what happened when men died fighting for their country, not women bitching at each other during a fucking shopping trip (which of course is fueled with money they didn't earn). Half of this tripe is made up because people of limited intellect think it qualifies as 'interesting' anyways, jeez...

Another example, which left me laughing hysterically, was printed in what was previously a bastion against such garbage, The Daily Telegraph. To summarise, it was written by a girl in her early twenties (pictured on one side of the text, along with a chart detailing her frivolous monthly/yearly expediture) who said that the WAGs were 'an inspiration to her' and that following their example by spending lots of money on clothes and make-up/hair products made her 'a feminist'. Okay, now read that last sentence back again, and if you can see nothing wrong with it, well, perhaps you should seriously consider diving into an industrial blender. And to the girl that 'wrote' that (i seriously doubt she didn't receive any help with it, or the tricky dot-to-dot puzzle in that weeks 'Heat' [it was a handbag]) spending money you don't have on credit cards until you have to call up daddy to bail you does not make you a feminist. It makes you a silly spoilt bitch. Now run along and look at the pretty shiny things sweetie.

#1 -

This one is so infuriating to see, so utterly repulsive, it has caused at least 17 people to spontaneously combust with anger since August 2003.

And requires so much space to write about, you're going to have to wait til next time to find out what it is!

Welcome

2006-07-25T13:58:00.000Z

This is my new blog/place to put things i write, moving from my old Dan vs The World msn space.

There's quite a few reasons for doing so:

Better coverage (i hope...
I'm going to be writng more and different stuff in future.
I can use Firefox and not IE, and avoid the horrible interface.
I can put ads on which if i'm lucky might make me a bit of money.
Easier-to-remember site address.
Etc etc...

So, bookmark this for later my loyal fans, and if you've not read my stuff before... I'd do that as well.

First-up will be one of my much-loved rants, coming later this week... check back later!

(Oh, and in the meantime, pictures will continue to be stored in the album at the old DvtW, but this will likely be moved to somewhere i can integrate with this page shortly)